Bodies Bitches

We also went to see Bodies The Exhibition, which I highly recommend (unless you have a weak stomach). The only thing I feel the need to bitch about here is there was this poor little 12-13 year old boy who was feeling a bit queasy seeing all the dissected bodies (yes, the bodies/parts are all real), and his mother was basically announcing it to the entire roomful of people, saying, "just breath, honey, just breath." Little, poor, queasy boy was mortified. What a bitch.

Movie Theatre Bitch

As you know, 'boyfriend' and I went to see The DaVinci Code on Monday, and I promised you a bitchfest.

The theatre was absolutely packed for a 3:30pm movie, and as I looked around the theatre I noticed quite a few elderly folks scurrying about (ok, so they weren't really scurrying...most of them needed help getting to their seats, but let's move on). So right away I'm thinking, "Great, there's going to be a million "what'd he says?" now b/c none of them will be able to hear it."

Before I continue I would just like to point out that I have nothing against the elderly except for the following:

- lack of hearing
- lack of driving skills
- their belief that they know everything, and "young people" know nothing
- talking w/ their mouth full (that might just be my grandmother, but I feel the need to note it)

Moving right along...
We found two decent seats together near the front of the balcony between two girls about our age and two elderly women on the other side, MY side. Perfect. 'Boyfriend' then decides to go get us some yummy popcorn. While he's gone, I start getting comfortable; after all this movie is at least 5 hours long, and I have trouble sitting through anything longer than an hour and a half. So I find a spot for my bag, recline the chair, put on a long-sleeved shirt to keep warm, take off my flip flops...oh wait, GOD FORBID I take off my flip flops in public! Next thing you know, to my right, elderly lady #1 says to elderly lady #2, "Look, look, look at this!" She says this as she's pointing at my feet. Ummm, hello! I can SEE you! and HEAR you! Anyway, she then proceeds to say, "Younger people just don't realize that they live amongst other people." Actually lady, you're making it pretty obvious that I live amongst other people b/c you're pointing at me and talking about me. Kinda hard to miss. I then put my bareass feet up on my chair. Ha! As expected, I see her out of the corner of my eye staring and shaking her head. I'm tempted to ask her if they smell, but I refrain.

A few minutes later, 'boyfriend' is back w/ the popcorn, and the movie begins. Shortly after that, elderly lady #1 and elderly lady #2 are sound asleep. I can't believe she can sleep knowing there are smelly bareass feet next to her. Bitch.

Not So Neighborly...

Scene: 'Boyfriend' and I in his hallway, heading out to see The DaVinci Code, walking to the elevator. Neighbor, who walks her dog in the hallway instead of outside b/c she's crazy, i mean lazy, is in the hallway w/ her cart-full of Costco shiz blocking hallway.

So 'boyfriend' sees a couple bottles of Cascade dishwashing liquid as we're trying to get by the cart (what if there was a freakin' fire!?!) and decides to make a funny comment...something along the lines of, I need some Cascade, why don't I just take one of yours? I know, not v. funny, but I laugh b/c I love him and he's hot.

Next thing you know, neighbor goes off on Cascade people (P&G), and starts telling us that Costco has started selling only one kind of Cascade now, and it's NOT the kind that gets her pots clean! Listen bitch, we don't need to hear about your pots and how dirty they are. That is a v. personal matter! She then proceeds to go back into her apartment telling us to "hold on, I have to show you this!" b/c she feels the need to make sure we know what this earth-shattering dish soap difference is that she's bitching about.

While she's inside 'boyfriend' and I are rolling our eyes at each other laughing quietly, and I point to him and mouth the words "you're fault," b/c duh, we're on our way to a most likely sold out movie and I'm not sitting in the back. But next thing you know, she's holding the 2 different bottles of Cascade up next to each other and showing us the difference. LIKE. WE. CARE. Turns out, she called P&G to bitch and they sent her a ton of coupons. What. ever. bitch.

We made it to DaVinci and it was packed, but we ended up getting decent seats anyway. Stay tuned for my DaVinci follow-up post entitled: "Movie Theatre Bitch"

You Call Those Onion Rings?!?

Last night my "usuals" and I were out at McHooligan's*, having our weekly bitchfest, when DEC decided to order us up some fried everything since the food at McHooligan's is de-lish (except the "hand-cut" fries, but we'll get to that later).

So, out came the fish and chips with a side of onion rings. Yummy you say? Umm...yes, when we got them a couple weeks ago, they were amazing! This week the fish was still the same (yum), and even the "hand-cuts" were better than usual (yum). But let's talk about the onion rings (not so yum).

They were the biggest, fattest, battery-ist (I had to make that word up b/c there is just NO OTHER way to describe these things!) onion rings we have ever seen! This pic isn't even doing them justice b/c they were bigger, fatter and battery-er! Too much onion, too much batter, Too. Much. YUCK!















We decided that they looked more like donuts and will think twice about ordering them again...then moved on to bitchier things.

So I won't dwell on the "hand-cut" fries, but we don't think they are truly hand-cut.

I'd like to give a shout-out to Marky for making the. best. cameo. ever. (twice!) and to our new friend Kev for getting a call-back to a second interview.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent

iPod Bit the Dust

My iPod bit it. It just decided that it didn't feel like turning on for me anymore. Mini bitch.

This happened a few days ago, but I am just today finally coming to terms with it enough to express my feelings.

It was a mini. It was light blue. It held 1,000 songs and not just ANY songs, but MY songs. The ones that make me happy (and keep me from being bitchy). The songs that get me to and from...the songs that ride on the subway and run through Central Park with me. SO upset. So V. upset. Duh, I know that everything is still on iTunes, but it's just not the same.

I've been told there is an iPod doctor. I'm trying to decide if it's worth going through the trouble of contacting him, or just getting a new one. A nano maybe. A black one. Or, since I'm such an amazing, hardly ever bitchy (yeah right), girlfriend and gave 'boyfriend' a nano for Valentine's Day, maybe he would be so kind as to let me use his old one even though it's the size of a brick.

I need time to think.

Shaken Doggy Syndrome

So I was just eating lunch in Central Park with a couple work friends. We were drinking Jamba, people-watching, attempting to avoid the bugs and waiting for the sun to come out (which never happened, and it was supposed to be 80 and sunny today - pfff). Anyhoo, a few cute doggies walked by and we were admiring, oohing and ahhing them. Next thing you know, the owner of the cutest doggy picks him up and starts shaking him! Yes, shaking the doggy! Now I get a bit upset by this and say to 'friends,' "what the &*$# is he doing!?! He's shaking the doggy!!!" B/c I was thinking that maybe this was his way of trying to train the doggy since the doggy was pulling on his leash and trying to play w/ other doggies. So now I am feeling the need to say something to this abusive pet owner bitch!

Thankfully before I could cause a raucous, 'friend' set me straight and said something along the lines of, "Kimmy K, that cute doggy just ate something nasty off the ground and abusive pet owner is actually trying to save cute doggy's life by shaking the shit out of his mouth."

Whatever. I guess I've been wrong before.

Home Ec. 101: Just For Fun!

Let's, just for fun, pretend that we tried to make a delish batch of oatmeal raisin cookies last night to welcome home 'boyfriend' from a long hard day of work (i.e. golf). Let's also pretend that we pressed "start" on the timer. That's A.

B. would be that we sprayed just a little itty bit of Pam on the cookie sheet b/f we put the "dollops" (good word I know) of batter onto said cookie sheet and not enough to drown an army of ants.

So if we were to pretend all of this, again just for fun, delish batch of cookies (first batch anyway) would not come out quite as expected.

Voila!










OK, so those are not really my cookies (I forgot to take pix of mine). It's pretty obvious anyway considering I would never be caught DEAD with that table cloth or pillow or whatever that flowered shit is.

Anyway, wouldn't that be just a bitchin' time, if we were to pretend all of that, just for fun!?!

I hope you've enjoyed Home Ec. 101!
Start button on timer: check
Light spray of Pam: check

Join us again next week where we will be covering rice krispie treats (don't add milk!), just for fun!

Damn you Edamame!

I just bit my lip eating edamame and it's gushing blood.

Ok fine, I lied a little. There is no blood, but it definitely hurts and it definitely looks like I have a fat lip.

Edamame looks innocent, but it's not!

Keane: Don't Even Tell Me!

Keane is playing at the Bowery Ballroom next month and tickets went on sale this past Friday at noon. I was stalking the ticket site by 11:30am so that I wouldn't miss out (just like Richie taught me). Guess what? I fucking missed out! I don't even know what happened! I was refreshing like crazy, and I MIGHT have been a few seconds late, but it's the Bowery Ballroom for fuck's sake! It shouldn't sell out in a matter of minutes! It's not Madonna! Although personally I am liking Keane more than Madonna these days. Don't tell Madge that I'm not a fan of all the purple and feathered hair she's been sportin' lately. And she doesn't even let her kids watch TV! It's TV! But I digress... The one time I got close to purchasing tix, I put all my info in, and when I hit enter, it took me back to the beginning!!! GRRRRR! So I started over, obv, but to no avail! "We're sorry, the event you are trying to purchase tickets for is sold out!" Bitch!

So don't even tell me that YOU got tickets to this show (unless of course you're planning on giving/selling them to this bitch:)) I am not paying the $265 I saw them going for on www.ticko.com. Ummm no. I will pay you the face value of a whopping $25.

Viral Meningitis Anyone?

On Friday we got an email from HR saying, and I quote:

"...we want to inform you that an employee notified us they are suffering from viral meningitis. It is possible that some employees may have been exposed to viral meningitis."

Huh? Bitch, please!

So if for some reason, bitchfest nyc fails to post, you'll know why...

Let the bitchfest begin...

A lot of things piss me off. I don't always tell people when they're annoying or disrespectful or just downright rude b/c I don't want to cause conflict. And I don't want to be a bitch. I want everyone to just be happy and be friends and get along...blah, blah, blah. So instead, I bitch to my closest friends, and they bitch back. We chat and gossip and bitch for hours sometimes about stupid shit. About bitches. It's fun and no one gets hurt. This seems to work for me, for us, and I don't want to change that since we can bitch with the best of 'em.

So I've decided to start bitchfest nyc so that I have another place to bitch when my friends and I are otherwise engaged and can't get together for a bitchfest.

__________________________________________________________________

OK, so my first post wasn't really a bitchfest, more of a way to introduce the blog and say bitch a lot. I promise that my next post will be v. bitchy b/c I know (and have been told) that I am good at it. Being bitchy, that is.

And so, the bitchfest begins. Welcome to bitchfest nyc.

P.S. Did you know that after writing and saying bitch more than a dozen times (I counted 16 bitches, make that 17, in this post) it doesn't even look or sound like a real word anymore? Kind of like when you say squirrel or shampoo too many times...