B.O. In My FACE!

I'm finding it v. hard to believe that I've been bitching for months on this thing and have yet to bitch about B.O. Ha! Never too late to start!

So I'm sure we've all been next to smelly people on the subways - probably at least once a week, maybe even once a day for some of us. Who knows. It sucks. Especially in the summer when people who probably don't normally smell are all sweaty and the stench is just everywhere. Ew, I just almost threw up.

Anyway! I was in the subway last night heading down to meet Richard at our usual spot, and as I was waiting for the doors to close, a man sneaks in behind me (we'll call him "smelly" for short) and pushes me in a little farther. Rude. Normally I would have just moved in a bit more b/c this is NYC and we're used to this shiz. Plus, I have excellent subway etiquette b/c everyone needs to get where they're going as quickly as possible (it's true, NY just makes you hurry). Last night, however, I wasn't feeling friendly for whatever reason, so I just stood there, kind of in his way. Oh kimmyk. BAD CHOICE b/c now "Smelly" sneaks around me and puts his arm up so he can hold on to the overhead handle thingy. Oh.My.God.Please.Help.Me. "Smelly" has some of the raunchiest B.O. I've smelled since NYC August 1951 (I made that up), and his pit is IN MY FACE! I have nowhere to go at this point b/c I refused to move anywhere b/f, and now all the openings are taken by other subway peeps. What is a girl to do?!!? So I end up turning my head as far as I can to breathe in (v. uncomfortable position I might add), and turning it back to breathe out. I was straight out of Night at the Roxbury all the way to 14th St. Ew!

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Bringing Skinny Back

So when skinny pants started coming back recently, I said to myself, "Bitches please! Those damn pants can't come back b/c only deathly skinny chickies can wear them, and it's rude to the rest of us!"

Then I saw that Gap ad that brought Audrey Hepburn back in a new, hip, skinny black pant commercial that made me go out and try on a pair. Audrey made me do it, I swear. I had absolutely no intention of ever even trying them on until she started dancing in her black skinny pants, and she looked like she was having so much fun in them! So it turns out that chickies who are not deathly skinny can wear them too. Oh yeah, and that clever advertising does work (bastards)!

I loved them, bought them and am wearing them today. Come check me out, bitches!

Happy Rusha-home-a!

So today I get to rush home for Rosh Hashanah (actually to 'boyfriend's' home, since I'm a psuedo). So I get to relax, eat lots of yummy food and drink tons of wine! Is that normal to this holiday or just for 'boyfriend's' fam? Hmm...

So nothing too bitchy about this, except the white fish liver stuff that his aunt always try to make me eat. Wish me luck.

Pizza Negotiations

So leaving the LES on Saturday night there were NO CABS in the area, as usual, and it sucked. Finally a livery car pulled over but wanted to charge us way too much $ to get to the UES. So 'boyfriend,' being the smartest man alive (more often than not:)), begins his best salesman pitch. He says we'll give him $X to get home AND a slice of pizza from the place of his choice. Brilliant.

Turns out, we love driver (side note: for those of you who don't know us, 'boyfriend' and I tend to befriend anyone and everyone drunk or sober), so we end up getting driver pizza AND a Mango Madness Snapple (his personal choice).

Smart driver waits while his slice cools off to eat it. Drunk kimmyk decides to dig right in b/c she just can't wait. Not only do I drip grease all over my pretty shirt AND jeans, which are now stained for life, but I also burn my tongue and the roof of my mouth, which still hurt to this day.

I'm thinking it was totally worth it, bitches.

More Gym Etiquette

Hi Ladies!

Umm...I'd really appreciate a little less bending over in the locker room. K? K.

thanks.

Don't Judge a Bar by it's Cover

I've heard good things about Cafe Charbon, so 'boyfriend' and I checked it out while in the LES this past Saturday night.

Now, it was kind of late and we had just come from a birthday party, so I don't remember all that much about the place. I remember liking the look of the place and how dark it was. I remember thinking it was nice that it wasn't all that crowded but crowded enough. And I remember liking this girl's backless shirt that would look pretty cute on me.

Ohhh, wait, hold the phone. It's all coming back to me now . The music was AWFUL! It went from an upbeat Peter Gabriel song (I think) right into something techno. Weird. Don't even get me started on the people. They were horrendous! I'm talking, "please don't even think about looking at me" horrendous. It was bad.

So we just found a corner and made out for a while b/f running for the door.

For some reason, as horen as it was Saturday, I might have to give it another chance. I feel like it might've just been a bad night.

Happy Birthday Big Ry!

My friend Big RyRy is turning 23 today. Holy bejeezes he's getting old!

It seems like just yesterday he was Little RyRy.















They grow up so fast, don't they?

That's a Glamour Don't!

Where's my camera when I need it!?

Why, oh why would someone ever think it's ok to tuck your shirt into spandex? It's bound to look lumpy - it's SPANDEX! It's tight! There's nowhere for the shirt to go! In this case, the guy had layers on, so we're talking TWO shirts tucked in. Oy vey! The guy was kinda old, so maybe it was the cool way to wear your workout clothes back in his day? Please fill me in here. I am begging you.

Kimmyk and Glamour Mag say it's a "don't!"

FYI: So are visible panty lines. Ew.

Congratulations Federererererer

Congrats Roger Federer and Maria Sharapova for winning the 2006 US Open! Yay! What a good US Open! I'm obviously sad about Andre Agassi's retirement, but he went out w/ a bang and he'll always be considered one of the best! Goooooo Andre! I'm also a little sad that Federererer beat Roddick's fine ass, but we'll let that one go since Roger really did deserve to win! He's so damn good.

But really people, wouldn't you rather see THIS win?!?! Day-yum! I think I love you Andy. You're right up there w/ my boy David Wright! (sigh)

Again!?!?!?

This whole Keane concert on/concert off/concert postposted shiz is becoming comical. The show is off. AGAIN. I can't. I just can't...

"Keane Cancels US Dates: Tom Chaplin not ready to tour"

Fine, he needs to get through rehab and get better, I understand that. But what if I'm over them by then? Then what? Am I just supposed to go on w/ my life as if they never existed? I can't believe how selfish they are being!!! Oh wait, maybe that's just me being selfish. Hehe.

Thank goodness they played outside Borders in the Time Warner Center over the summer and I got to see them, however brief...

Here are some photos I found on the web of the performance.

Weatherman Freaks Out Over Cockroach

Just had to share! Enjoy!

Video was deleted by bitches. Whatev! It was pretty effin' funny while it lasted!

Courtside Seats My Ass!!!

Went to the US Open again last night and saw Martina Navrawhosawhatsi (Navratilova) play some doubles w/ some guy and beat some other people, then saw Switzerland's Roger Federer def. our own James Blake. (OK fine, we left early to beat the rush thinking that Roger was going to take the match in 3 sets - I don't want to talk about it).

Anywho, as 'boyfriend' and I were walking into Arthur Ashe Stadium, one of the workers directing people asked to see our tickets. He was this little fat dude w/ long, yucky, wirey hair. We thought it was just a random "let me see your tickets" search, so we showed him. He said something like, "oooh, I've got something better." At first we were a little creeped out, but then he pulled out 2 tickets and said, "Here, courtside seats." We looked at each other, looked back at him, and started thanking him profusely! "OMG, thanks buddy, you're awesome, we are so lucky...blah blah blah." I even let my emotions get the better of me, and I gave him a little hug. Ew! Bad move kimmyk - that's how I found out his hair was yucky and wirey b/c it went IN MY FACE when I hugged him. Ew! At this point, I didn't even care, I was so excited!

As we walked away and headed to the "courtside gates," we looked at the back of the tickets, which we now have realized are just a piece of paper. Hmm...this is shady. The is what the back of the ticket looked like:






So now we've realized that we only have "seat-filler" tickets so that on TV it looks like the place is full or something. Hello! This is the quarter finals! Of course the seat holders are going to arrive!!! And they did...about 3 minutes after we sat down, at which point we got up, moped for a sec and went to our own seats (which were totally fine, just not courtside)!

That effin' guy w/ the yucky hair totally played us! He acted like he was a hero for giving us courtside seats and didn't tell us the whole truth! You little wirey-haired bastard did NOT deserve a hug! Bah!

Tennis Whites?

Went to the US Open last night. Saw Maria Sharapova defeat some French chick, then watched Roddick (love) defeat Lleyton Hewitt in 3 sets. Yay! So everyone won that I wanted to! Tonight I'm seeing Federer vs. Blake!!!!!!!!!!!!! So excited.

Ok, enough bragging; let's get to the bitching.

I usually don't find myself overly conservative, but I do find that certain sports, tennis and golf in particular, have their rules for a reason. Ie. quiet during play, conservative dress, you get the picture. I think it's fun to just relax and watch a civlilized match. Call me crazy, but if I wanted drunkards yelling and throwing things, I'd go to a baseball game (fyi, not knocking baseball here, since it is my fave).

I don't see anything wrong with the evolution of the "fan" in these sports - look what Tiger has done for golf; v. similar to what Happy did. They got people involved in a sport that was known as a "gentleman's game." Ok fine, let's face it, they were considered boring b/f people like Tiger and Agassi and Roddick came along.

What's the point to all my rambling you ask? My point is that I. HATE. THE. NEW. DRESSES. There, I said it. I'm sorry Serena (especially), Venus and even Maria is getting into it this year. The glitter and the glitz and the tackiness has Got. To. Go. You can't tell me this outfit doesn't make you want to barf.



























Oh yeah, and those "gentlemen" who think it's fun to show up at the US Open to sit in the crowd and observe with the rest of us, who feel the need to dress as though they are the ones about to play, need to get a hobby. They are not helping the cause.

1,000 - Effin' Finally!

You are all such bitches! It has taken me 4 months and a buttload of posts to get 1,000 hits! WTF!?! I expected more from you!

Ok, not really. I should be thanking you for going to bitchfestnyc at all! So thanks! You're still bitches though. But I love my bitches:) So as a thank you present, here's a link to the NY Times 1,000 Best Movies Ever Made! Woo Hoo! Fun!

13 Going on 30 isn't on there? That's proposterous!

Effin' Stingray!

I'm so sad about Steve Irwin's death! I hadn't watched his show in quite a while I must admit, but I was such a big fan back in the day, I even had a talking "Crocodile Hunter" doll. No joke. If you pushed his belly he said things like, "Danger, Danger, Danger!" "By crikey!" Isn't she gorgeous!?", and "What a ripper!" in Steve's real voice. I miss that damn thing. Let's all give a big shout-out to Steve for making us laugh and for teaching us that "Crocs rule!"

Oh Rats!

One of 'boyfriend's' and my fave neighborhood restaurants might be ruined after last night's rat siting. V. sad. We hadn't been to ZaZa all summer just b/c we've been trying to travel to other areas of Manhattan besides the UES when we go out. Since the summer is coming to an end, we decided to go last night b/f it gets cold since they have a fabulous back garden.

We were at the end of our meal (thank God, we hadn't just started!), when something caught my eye! A rat bigger than my foot (I am a wopping size 9, mind you) runs behind 'boyfriend's' chair and into the corner behind a table. No one was sitting there. No one else saw it but me. 'Boyfriend' wasn't quite sure he believed that it was a rat that I saw until he heard it screeching! Ahhh! We ended up going inside to pay the bill b/c I started freaking out a bit. I don't need any rats running across my feet!

So here's why ZaZa only might be ruined for us - can you really blame the restaurant for having rats if you see one outside? It could have come from anywhere. I think as long as there aren't any in the kitchen, we're ok. Same for little bitchy roaches. Do you agree?