One Eye Open

This morning I showed boyfriend the window where I hit my head . I pointed out how the glass was in front of the gate and how clean it was and everything. And instead of sympathy (like I was expecting), he told me I was the biggest dork ever.

I'd keep one eye open while you sleep from now on, honey.

C is For CANDY

There is WAY TOO MUCH candy in the office right now, and I have no willpower whatsoever. If you haven't seen me in a while, why don't we keep it that way so that I have time to put on about 10 lbs over the next few months and then lose it again come the New Year. I wouldn't want you to see me too chunkalicious.

I'll miss you.

THE RED SOX ARE GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Focus on One Point

In yoga class last night there was a very impressive yogi in front of me. He was extremely flexible and could do anything and everything and all of his moves were very precise and graceful. I couldn't stop watching him.

Towards the end of every class we do poses lying down, one of them (which I hate), is the bow pose. We have to do it at least 3 times, and I suck at it b/c I can’t hold it w/o nearly passing out. The instructor always says to focus on one point and let your mind convince you that your body is light and the pose is graceful and easy. So I focused on the yogi in front of me.

BAD IDEA. This is when I realize he had on very short shorts. Without any undies. This gives a whole new meaning to the words yoga balls. Ummm...yeah, I don't think I need to tell you all the things that were in full view. So I looked for another point to focus on. But you know how it is...it’s like watching a dog take a dump on the sidewalk...the more you try to look away the more you can’t help but look!

So I thought, “Hey, if focusing on his naughty bits is going to keep me in this pose, so be it!”

Beware of Glass

In NYC you're never alone. There are always at least 20 people (I made that number up) around you at any given moment, even at night. I was walking home from the gym the other night and spied a pair of sunglasses in a storefront that I thought might look pretty on me. So I leaned in for a closer look and SMASHED my forehead on the glass. Why I felt the need to dive in so forcefully, I do not know. To my defense, the glass was outside of the protective gate, which is usually not the case.

Of course there were a ton of people around, so I played it off and just kept looking at the sunglasses until I felt it had been long enough for all the people that saw me to have walked by.

Now my excuse should be that it was dark out, but I'm not sure how well that would go over considering there are 82 billion streetlights, 43 million cars with bright headlights, and 72 thousand lit-up storefronts. So yeah, it wasn't that dark at all. I'm just a dumbass. And obviously blind. It was a really clean window people!!!

Say "I Love NY!"

This morning I found myself walking towards a handsome gay couple in Central Park snapping pictures of each other with the Plaza Hotel in the background. I generously offered to take a picture of both of them (strolling through the park calms me and makes me less bitchy). They took me up on my offer and posed, arms around each other, big smiles on their faces...I must've got a little caught up in the moment b/c I smiled brightly at them and said, "Say, 'I LOVE NY!'" to which THEY DID NOT RESPOND.

Who do I think I am? How touristy of me! So touristy, even the tourists thought I was nuts!