Frozen Boogies

Since I was little whenever it was cold out, my dad would say, "is it cold enough to freeze your boogies?" He's so cute.

Today is one of those days. It was 9 degrees out when I left my apt. to walk crosstown for 35 mins. My "boogies" were frozen in a matter of seconds in case you were wondering, Dad, and my legs were numb after about 10 mins.

The rest of me was nice and toasty though. See?

Ding Ding Ding!

I'm sure you're sick of hearing about the line on my face, but it has finally occurred to me that it's not a sleep line. I think it's a rash from the effing $45 scam, I mean shine, treatment!!!

It was only supposed to be left on for 7 mins, and I know this b/c the hairwasher bitch said to Yoni (hehe, the stylist's name was Yoni (vulva puppet anyone?)), "it's only supposed to stay on for 7 mins right?" And Yoni said yes dear in his little Greek? Swedish? accent.

So after sitting there for about 5 mins w/ the treatment on, Yoni decides to move me over under a hairdryer, and he says, "here, now you will be warm." So I'm thinking, why the hell do I have to be warm for the last 2 mins? Do I look cold? Turns out it slows it down or something, but whatev...

Hairwasher bitch then starts washing someone else's hair (who turns out to be a woman who works there). Umm...hello, it's been over 7 mins, and my scalp is starting to burn a little bit, and you're washing a co-worker's hair? Hmm...what is wrong w/ this picture?

I started fuming after about 15 minutes b/c my scalp is burning and the shiz is dripping down the side of my face. I should've just gotten up and gone bitchfest on their asses, but I waited patiently. Yoni finally looked over at me after about 25 mins, so I tapped my wrist (w/ no watch), so he knew I was ready to be rinsed. Like now.

Hairwasher bitch rinses, Yoni cuts, I go home w/ an itchy scalp (but v. shiny hair).

Fast-fwd to this morning, past the 2 "sleeping line" blogs, to about a 1/2 hour ago when I realize that sleeping line is not just a line, but is now blotchy and spreading down the left side of my face. Oh yeah, it's a full-blown rash and I have 2 parties to attend tonight. Guess I will be going all rashy.

I called Yoni, told him what happened. He told me I must be allergic to the treatment. I'm not allergic to anything, but fine, I'm allergic, and you left it on my burning scalp and dripping down my face for for 25 mins. He said, "first, I am sorry, second, what can I do to make you happy?" Well, well, now we're getting somewhere. Free haircuts for the rest of my life? Ok, fine, I'll settle for a free cut and blowdry, which he agreed to.

Being rashy and bitchy kinda paid off! Good thing bars are dark:(

It's Still There...

WTF? Maybe I scratched myself???

Sleeping Line

Is it normal to still have a sleeping line on my face the entire size of my pillow if I've been up for over 3 hours? It's looks dreadful!














My hair looks shiny though. I was scammed into a $45 shine treatment last night. That's what I get for being a "walk-in" - I get taken advantage of. Fine, I should've asked how much it cost, but really bitches...$45? Puh-lease!

Up All Day, Up All Night

My parents made my Grandma's recipe of homemade Kaluha to put in our holiday family goodie bags this year. They put it in cute little jars w/ pretty ribbons around it...awww. Anyway, I tried it the other night for the first time. I'd had a hard day at work, so I figured knockin' back a little homemade Kaluha would do the trick. So I filled up a little shot glass (ok fine, it was a double), and added some milk. De-lish!

It was so delish, that I had another! Umm...yeah, little did I know that it take about 5 kazillion cups of ground coffee to make a few cups of Kaluha (not really, although I'll have to check what Gram's had in it. Prob double coffee, double brandy:)).

So I tossed and turned allllll night and couldn't figure out why! Alcohol usually puts me right to sleep (ok fine, usually w/ the amount I have, I pass the eff out), but not this time!

It wasn't until the next morning while I yawned and whined to 'boyfriend' that I didn't sleep a wink that I realized what had happened.

It's some friggin' delicious Kaluha though.

My Half Sneeze

You know when you try to hold in a sneeze, but then change your mind at the last second and it ends up coming out as this snort slash shriek slash body-jolt? Well, I do b/c I did it last night.

'Boyfriend' and I were watching Studio 60 (on DVR, obv), and I had to sneeze but didn't want to disturb him or the show. So I figured I'd try to hold it in. But then, I changed my mind b/c supposedly it kills brain cells if you hold in your sneezes! Gasp! (Turns out that's just a dirty lie...kind of).

So I ended up half sneezing, which came out kind of like a cat screeching, and my body decided to convulse and shake, and I ended up disturbing the show even more than if I had just sneezed for eff's sake! I do not recommend holding in your sneezes and then changing your mind. 'Boyfriend' thought I was having a seizure!

Ok, I guess you had to be there b/c we were laughing uncontrollably.
Good story kim.

Psycho Bride

We have a major psycho on our hands with this chick. If you have time to watch the full 6 mins, please do. You will feel bad for her and laugh at her at the same time. I love her bridesmaids. I kinda want to be friends w/ them. If you don't have time for the full 6 mins, here's the gist of the first 4 mins...

The bridesmaids are in a hotel room getting ready for the wedding, when the bride walks in from the hair salon w/ the weirdest "Shirley Temple" do I've ever seen, and she's flipping out and crying. Her friends try to calm her down to know avail. She is screaming at her hair, at her friends, at her sister...she gets a little physical too. They really are just trying to help. I LOVE that they're laughing at her though. How her friend is taping the whole thing, I have no idea. These girls deserve medals.

Make sure you watch the full last couple of minutes. You won't believe what happens! Enjoy!

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I Dream of Paris

I had a dream about Paris Hilton last night. No boys, not like that.

I was back in college, although I wasn't in Hartford. I think it was California. And we were in a house, not a dorm. Paris was my roommate, and we were getting ready for a trip to Florida*.

*Yes, I realize Paris would never take a trip to FL, but this is a dream, people.

We were going to leave for the airport separately (b/c she's a slow packer), so my car got there and I left only to realize about a mile away that I hadn't packed my bathing suits! Gasp! So I called Paris to tell her I was coming back to the house to pick them up, and being the nicest person in the world (in my dream, of course), she said she'd get them all out for me so I could just run upstairs and grab a couple and be on my way. Wasn't that so nice of her!?!?

Paris and I are SOOO BFF.


















P.S. YES, I also realize that I don't know how to use photoshop. Lay the eff off.

BEWARE!

This sign was posted in the bar I went to last night w/ Richard.















Those damn New Orleans bitches are really ruining it for the rest of us loose women!

Closet Eater

Good thing I am a skinny bitch b/c I am finally ready to admit that I am in fact a CLOSET EATER. 'Boyfriend' was away for a week on business and there's something about him not being there that brings out the fat girl in kimmyk. Can you say pasta and soda and pizza and ice cream? Ok fine, it was low-fat frozen yogurt, but it had cookie dough and brownie chunks in it, and it was delish!














MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Watch Your Back

My friend just sent me a YouTube link to a fun game the "Bad Girls" like to call "The Hair Petting Game." I would just like to say that as of now, I am winning in the office. Look out!
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You Love New York?

Please tell me you're joking. VH1's "I Love New York," a spin-off of "Flavor of Love" was the 6th ranked premiere in VH1's history! What is the world coming to!? I watched "Flavor of Love" once, and it just happened to be the episode where "New York" got into a fight w/ another chick and there was punching and spitting and hair-pulling, so I vowed to never watch it again. And I haven't. And then it ended, and the world was a better place. And then "I Love NY" comes along, and the world is effed again.

This video isn't from her show, but it gives you a good idea of what we're dealing w/ here...
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3-Min Blizzard!

WOOOOO! It just snowed like crazy in NYC for a whole 3 minutes! It's the first snow of the season, and at the rate we're going, I'll take what I can get! Keep it comin'!

Fell on My Face

I went skiing over winter break up at Windham. No, there wasn't any real snow, but the man-made stuff rocked! Ok fine, there were rocks in it. Does that count? The skiing was HORRIBLE! Man-made snow is icy and chunky and awful to ski in. I've been skiing for years. I don't the 5-year hiatus during college and the year after. Although I guess I should b/c of course I need something to blame for taking my first digger in about 10 years! That's right, fell flat on my face. I caught an edge. On flat ground. Just cruising along. So embarrassing. And since I hadn't fallen in years, I forgot that there was a trick to getting up (get onto your back and swing your skis around so they're parallel to the ground, and lift yourself up w/ your polls). Yeah, forgot. So I was struggling to get up while 'boyfriend' laughed at me. Which of course pissed me off b/c I was already so embarrassed. So I hit him w/ my pole and went on my merry way.

Ew. Look at all the grass and rocks. It was awful. I feel bad for the east coast mtns this year:(







At 8am. First run of the day. Before I fell...

Piece of Crap Phone

'Boyfriend' gave me his Treo since he got a blackberry through work. I've been waiting for it for a couple months now b/c I love the look of it (and of course it's capabilities and whatnot). He warned me it was going to give me some trouble, but of course I wanted the cool phone, so I said I didn't care. Now it freezes up on my like crazy, and I want to throw it on the ground and jump on it. But I won't. Because I look pretty damn cool w/ it. Oh yeah, that's right, you know you want one.

Speaking of Barf...

I just went out for Indian food for the first time (that I remember) w/ work peeps. I really enjoyed it...up until about 5 mins ago...

Happy New Year!

Ok, so I'm a few days late. I've been busy. You want to know how busy? Here's the convo I had over IM this morning w/ JB:

jb (9:47:46 AM): hi blogging slacker
Kimmyk (9:47:51 AM): haha i know
Kimmyk (9:47:56 AM): i'm so busy i want to barf
jb (9:48:03 AM): there's your entry

...and there's my entry. Thanks JB.

Peace out bitches. When I get a little less busy, I'll be back! Don't miss me too much.

Drinking Smoked Meat

I don't know about you, but the thought of drinking meat makes me naush. That was pretty much the case when Richard and I went to The Modern and asked the bartender which beer he recommends. His recommendation: Schlenkerla Rauchbier, which means "smokebeer," from Germany. It definitely tasted smoked. It definitely tasted nasty. We attempted to wipe our tongues clean w/ our hands, napkins, anything w/in reach and decided it was the nastiest thing we'd ever tasted. It tasted like meat. Not even a specific meat. Just smoked meat. Any meat. Yuck.

So we ordered some Brooklyn Light Ale, straight outta NY, which was more our pint of beer (cup of tea, get it?), but the smoke was still stuck in our mouths and on our tongues and in our noses so even those were ruined.

I do NOT recommend.

I Didn't Steal It!

I took this Thursday off from work (work gave us Friday), so I'm using the days to finish up a few last minute holiday chores (2 more gifts to buy, wrap gifts, pack, load the car, clean the apt., etc.).

But last night it was discovered that my new ski jacket still has the security tag attached to it! This means that if I don't go (on one of my days off!!!) back to the store to get it removed, every ski shop I go into over my ski vacation next week will think I stole it! I don't even know if I have the receipt. What if I get to Princeton Ski Shop, and they think I stole it? Ugh!

They are, btw, is my new fave ski shop ever! Everyone was so nice and helpful, not like most sales people in NYC! They even told us when we bought our ski equipment that everything would be going on sale in a week so to bring the receipt back the following week to get all the sale prices! How amazing is that!? The only thing they didn't do...take the effing tag off my jacket. Hopefully they take it off for me...


One of my days off is ruined all b/c of this little friggin' tag. Maybe I'm just being lazy. Actually, it kinda looks like a pregnancy test, doesn't it? Ha! Not that I would know. That's not a hint. I'm not knocked up. Promise.

Stop!

I met JB out the other night for a long overdue love fest. We started out at Social for a friend's going-away party before heading over to VYNL (no, the bend and snap waiter wasn't there) for some much-needed drinks and convo...

So I got to Social and waited for him on the corner when I heard this obnoxious person honking the hell out of his horn (well obv it was his horn, what else would you honk the hell out of? Don't answer that). Turns out, there was an old man and his wife trying to cross the street when the sign said "don't walk." And b/c the sign said "don't walk," this man decided to hold up his hand to tell the car to STOP! Ummm...this is New York City. Red means stop, green means go and yellow means go like hell. And that's it. Cars are NOT going to wait for pedestrians to cross just b/c their hand is up, buddy. Well, not w/o a fight at least. The battle between vehicle and pedestrian always amuses me though - especially when profanity, the bird and other dirty hand gestures are used.

As soon as JB gets there, I tell him that I have tomorrow's bitchfest subject. So I tell him. And what do you think he says? "Oh, I do that all the time." For some reason, it's ok w/me that he does it b/c he's Beej.

Lesson of the day (except if you're name is JB/Beej/whatever I decide to call him that day), when there is a "don't walk" sign, don't effin' walk! Run!

That Sex Show

Coming back from lunch yesterday w/ 4 of my girlfriends, a guy on the subway told us that he was just visiting NY this week (yeah right buddy, you have the thickest NY accent ever, but whatev) and that we reminded him of the ladies in "that sex show."

Umm...I hope he meant Sex and the City.

Sorry Williams-Sonoma

I decided to stop in a Williams-Sonoma last night to do a bit of holiday shopping. I only have 2 more gifts to buy, and one of them is for one of 'boyfriend's' family members, so it has to be good. We draw names out of a hat (with a $35 max), and I got his aunt. I figured I could get her something nice in Williams-Sonoma for that amount.

Usually I just go in for the free treats, so I stopped in the front of the store for some delicious warm apple cider to enjoy while I shopped. I started shopping, sipping my cider and enjoying the warmth in my belly. Ahh, I love the holidays. Upon finishing my cider and still finding nothing for "aunt," I made my way to the back of the store where they were serving pumpkin spice cake treats. The smell just sucked me in.

I then proceeded to the other side of the store where I found some beautiful bakewear and mixing bowls and other shiz I thought "aunt" would like. Unfortch the bolws I like (kinda like these, only not) were way the hell in storage so I had to wait while they walkie-talkied to the back. As I believe I've mentioned once or 80 times b/f, I have NO PATIENCE. Ten minutes later (it was prob only 5 but felt like 10), I'm still wandering around waiting for bowls. When the stock boy finally appears, he has the wrong. effin'. bowls. in his hands. Lack of patience clicks on "high," and I say, "oh, not a problem, I'll just keep looking around while you go get them," meanwhile I'm planning on sneaking out and leaving the damn bowls behind. So I slowly mosey over the other side of the store, peek up at the sales lady and notice that she's still looking at me. Damn it. Look away you silly sales lady, I'm trying to make a mad dash for the door! As soon as she turns away, I grab some more delicious apple cider and run for it.


I think "aunt" would like these better anyway, so I'll go back this weekend after they've forgotten my evil, sneaking-out-behind-their-backs face.

Boooooo

My little sis and bf were visiting from NH this weekend, and they wanted to see the tree at Rockefeller Center. 'Boyfriend' and I go every year anyway, so we figured who better to see it w/ than people we love and with who we want to share it? So we knew it was going to be crowded when we got there; after all it is the most famous Christmas tree in the world (I made that up, but it probably really is)! But it was so crowded, it took us about 10 minutes to even get to where we had a visual of the tree. Oh wait, that wasn't b/c it was crowded, that was because there was a tour stopped right before the entrance, and the tour guide was telling the group about the history behind it...blah, blah, blah (I'm sure it was interesting, but I was getting a little claustrophobic and needed to move asap). We finally realized that we had been pushing our way into the tour group when we saw the little old lady tour guide holding a gigantic candycane so her group didn't lose her. Hello, you are way too short for people to see you even w/ the huge candycane, so I was surprised she had any of her group left! So now that I've gotten way off the subject, let's get back to us getting into Rockefeller Center and looking at the tree all happy and smiley w/ warm holiday thoughts running through our minds...can't you just feel it? (sigh).

Little sis wants to take a picture of her and her bf w/ the tree in the background, but we were having trouble doing so w/o getting all the people in the background. So they decide to stand up on a bench. No sooner do they stand up there, a cop tells them to get down, and kimmyk decides to yell "boooooo!!!!" at the cop as if I was drunk at a baseball game! (It was only noon for eff's sake, and I hadn't had a drink all day! Not that that has stopped me before, but whatev). I have no clue what I was thinking! This was certainly NOT the holiday spirit I usually exude. As soon as I got the evil eye from the cop, I realized what a dumbass I was being. I got all nervous and thought I was going to get arrested, so I ran around the corner where cop couldn't see me. So now I have to put my big furry hood up so I'm not recognized and peek around the corner going "psssst" to my bf, sis and her bf. Of course they had no idea where I was, so I just kept "pssssting," until bf looked at me like I was from another planet, at which point I started waving frantically for them to come over. I couldn't go back to the scene of the crime!

Turned out the "cop" was just a "rent-a-cop" for the friggin' tree. Oh kim!

I Chipped My Nail

You know I'm having a blog brain block when I'm bitching about chipping my nail polish. But I can't help it. I did my nails last night w/ my new 2nd fave fall/winter color, Wicked by Essie, (first is Sole Mate), and I was soooo good about letting them dry perfectly, only to wake up to a chip (how, I do not know). Normally I can't sit still long enough to let them dry all the way, and I end up ruining at least one nail. And if I don't completely ruin one, I smudge them on something (doing dishes, washing/drying my hands, picking my nose (not really on that last one:)).

My friend Mike once told me I had alien hands, and this pic kinda proves it. Not sure if that's better than "man hands" or not...

Don't even get me started on the hangnail on my first finger.

Gordon Ramsay's NJ Diner @ The London

I was lucky enough to receive an invite from Richard to dinner at Gordon Ramsay (yes, the Hell's Kitchen guy, since that what people seem to know). His new restaurant opened up a few weeks ago in the London Hotel in Midtown. I was super-excited to get the invite and right away had to look at the menu online and find something to wear! Richard told me that the dress code is "smart," meaning no jeans and men must wear jackets. (Of course looking "smart" is now our new fun term. Sometimes it's "wicked smart," since we're both from New England). Anyhoo, we both wore black suits and looked wicked smart for our exclusive, expensivo dinner.

We were escorted into the "formal dining room" at 6:15 sharp (you have to walk past all the "casual dining room" peeps, and they look at you like you're amazing and famous, which we are. Dir). We sat in v. comfy chairs at a huge table with gorgeous place settings. The overall atmosphere was not my cup of tea, but it was amazing in its own way. Richard said it was "v. British." All I knew was that it wasn't what I expected. It took me a while to realize what I thought it reminded me of, and a little while later (after the alcohol makes kimmyk brutally honest), I told Richie I thought it looked like a NJ diner. There were mirrors everywhere and shiny things. All it needed was a few fake flowers in the middle of each table to put me into the Garden State mindset. OK, enough making fun...everything else was amaz!

We were waited on by a Brit who was cute and fun, and we loved her (even if only for her accent and black-rimmed glasses). She made fun of our pronunciation of "turbot," (we were pronouncing it "turbo," which we thought sounded more "smart," or French or something...). Our sommelier was a Mainer, which of course we loved, and he recommended a perfect wine for us (Whitcraft Winery- a 2001 Lagren). The entire staff was so attentive, and there were people for everything you could imagine: a bread boy, a drink chick, water peeps, waiters, servers, sommeliers, you name it! I think my water glass was only empty once, and that's b/c I was feeling a bit tipsy so I chugged it.

I'm not even going to get into the food b/c that's Richard's department, since he's the true "foodie." I will say that I loved everything, but my fave was the "Lobster ravioli, poached in its own bouillon with celery root cream, shellfish vinaigrette and chervil veloute," whatever the hell all that means:)

To hear about the experience (and the food!) in more detail, you can also read: Richard's Review

Oh, God! Book II

So the other night I was trying to catch up on all my emails and friend's blogs since I've been so damn busy this past week (Turkey Day, etc). When I started out on the computer, Sixteen Candles was on TV (might be my all time fave movie). But after I'd been reading for about a 1/2 hour, I noticed a v. strange song come on. Sixteen Candles had been over for about 10 mins, and a new movie had started. It was a 1980 film called Oh, God! Book II (What? How the hell, I mean heck, did I start watching a religious flick)?

I decided to see what was going on, and it was a father and daughter eating in a Chinese restaurant. (OK good, a Chinese restaurant is my fave place talk about God, so I could relate).

The father says: "I met someone, honey" to a little girl who appears to be about 7-8 years old.

The little girl replies, "Does she have big boobs? Mom said she has big boobs. I wonder what kind I'll have." (Whoa! I don't think God would approve of this)!

Daddy chuckles, then says, "I'll be right back," and then goes to make a phonecall. (Way to handle the boob sitch, Daddy).

Little girl then opens up a fortune cookie which reads:
"Meet me in the lounge.
-God"

OK, at this point, I need to know what I'm watching. Obviously this movie is not what I originally thought. So I imdb'd it, and it turns out it's a comedy AND it's a trilogy! To think my night couldn't get any better than catching up on blogs!

I'm joking. I will never watch any of these movies.

Big Needle

I got a flu shot today, and my arm hurts. The needle was pretty big. I'm not even afraid of needles, but this one was def bigger than the last flu shot I remember (which was a few years ago). It looked like the picture below.

No joke, this is the picture that came up when I typed in "flu shot." Btw, similar to "wet butt," don't go typing in "big needle" while you're at work either...

I Have a Mullet. And I'm Ugly.

My little cousin (who shall remain nameless since I am scared of her) is 6 years old. I think. Maybe 7. All I know is that she is smarter than me. And meaner than me. Most of the time, she's cute and fun and loves me and is so all over me that I can't even eat my dinner or talk to other people b/c she won't let me.

HOWEVER...

This Thanksgiving, she decides to hate me. I went to give her a hug, and she turned away from me. When I said, "[Cousin], that wasn't v. nice." She replied. "You're ugly."

OK, now it's one thing if she said it just to me and quietly and maybe in a different room than the rest of the 30 family members who are all staring at me b/c I just walked in and they haven't seen me in months. But no. It's in front of everyone. No one is laughing, so that's at least good, but I'm still ridiculously embarassed!

I'm not ugly! Am I? That's A. And B., I am a little self-concious about this new haircut I got a few weeks ago. It's a little mullet-ish. I've been wearing my hair back almost every day b/c I have these bangs (that I actually love), but the rest of my hair is kinda long, but layered on the side, and it really is kind of a mullet. Anyhoo, so I decide to make a joke b/c that's what I do in embarassing situations, and I tell my entire family, "it must be my mullet" and then go on to explain haircut disaster.

First of all, I am from NH, and so are all my family members, and chances are at one point or another they have all had a mullet. So now I am the bitch from NY.

Oh, but it doesn't end there. Now that mean, scary cousin has heard me say mullet, she decides that this is the funniest thing ever, and that is what she's going to call me for the rest of Thanksgiving Day.

I'm going to get that bitch one day.

I Fell Off the Wagon

Guess how long I was off the animal crackers for? Well, let me tell you. One day. One. I am unbelievable. I was in the kitchen yesterday getting water, and a girl from work was in there looking for a snack. I don't even know her that well, and I was like, "oooh, go for the animal crackers. They're Amaz!"

First of all, why do I feel the need to talk to EVERYONE? And why about something like which snack they should pick? Why? Just shut up kim!

Anyhoo, she goes, "oooh, good idea." And she gets them. Well, then we walk out of the kitchen together, and she offers me one. So w/o even a hint of hesitation, I say sure! And I take it and pop it in my mouth.

OFF.THE.WAGON.IN.ONE.DAY. It was only one measly little animal cracker, but still. Why couldn't I have said no?

You know what this lead to right? Yup, I bought myself a bag today and at the whole thing. Maybe my New Year's Resolution should be to work on my willpower. Or maybe my it should just be to cut down on animal crackers, since that would be easier. Good thing I have a couple months to think about it. Friggin' animal crackers get me every time. They're haunting me.

Look what happened to Nick Nolte when he fell off the wagon. Not pretty.

The First Step is Admitting I Have a Problem

I'm off the animal crackers and have moved on to hard candy - runts (I have a jar of them at my desk), lollipops (gum or tootsie), hotballs, jolly ranchers, mints, lifesavers...whatever I find lying around. Wait, don't crack addicts use hard candy to help them quit??? Anyhoo...

The animal crackers were causing too many problems!

A. DEC bit his tongue and bled all over his client.
B. A bag of them magically appeared on my desk, and the person who put them there caused me to obsess about a possible secret admirer for days after (turns out it was just Ted. Thx Ted).
C. A fellow kimmyk told me I might need to get some help, possibly even a 12-step program (funny that she wrote about twizzlers today...great minds...great kimmyk minds???).
D. At any time throughout the day I was in the kitchen and saw them looking back at me from the vending machine, I felt the need to buy them then and there b/f they ran out. Even if I'd just had a meal. Even if it was 8:30 in the morning.

You get the gist.

I just thought you should know. I might need your help and support during this troubling time. Thank you all. You are wonderful, amazing friends, and I am very fortunate to have you in my life.

Dial 911 Damnit!

I saw an old man fall down in the park today, so I ran over to help him b/c he went down quite hard. There was kind of a lot of blood dripping from his chin, so kimmyk went into panic mode!

kimmyk: "Who has a phone?!?!" (I was going for my run, so I was sans phone)
innocent bystander: "I do, should I dial 911?"
kimmyk: "Yes damnit!"
old man who hit his chin: "I'm fine, it's just a little cut. No need to panic young lady. Don't be silly."

I guess he told me! Pfff!

But I did my good deed for the day, didn't I? So don't expect anything else.

It's a Birthday!

Happy Birthday to my fave man ever! Except my dad, but he doesn't read this, so I'm in the clear. And Richard, who reads this every day so I'm not in the clear w/ him and will hear it either in my comments or on Friday when we hang out next.

Happy Birthday 'Boyfriend!' You're hot.

I had this picture saved in my files as "hottie_in_maine," so I thought it was only fitting that I posted this one.

Sag-Ass

I bought a pair of black dress pants from The Gap about a month ago (no, not my skinny jeans). I've only worn them a few times, but they are already stretched out to the point that I can't even wear them! So yesterday I had a work thing that I had to be early for, so I got dressed quickly w/o even thinking that the pants were a bit saggy (b/c they had just been washed and weren't all that stretched out yet), and dashed off to work.

As I was leaving the conference room during lunchtime, after having been sitting all morning, I realized that my pants were a bit baggy, especially in the butt. Like really saggy, actually. I even noticed a girl looking at my butt, and I was like oh shiz, it must look really bad! Well, that was the last straw.

I had to go back to the meeting for the rest of the day, and all I wanted to do was go buy myself a new pair of pants! I would've just left after work and gone home at 5:30, but we were having a cocktail hour after work (actually a cocktail 4 hours, but who's counting) so I couldn't go out w/ sag-ass!!! As soon as I had the chance I went out and bought myself a hot pair of black pants, changed into them, and went to cocktail 4 hours feeling much more comforbale (and kinda hot if I do say so myself).

So maybe I was a little rash in just going out and buying a new pair of pants after the day was almost over, but oh well. I guess having sag-ass was better than having swamp-ass!

For the record, I do not recommend searching for a picture of a "wet butt" while at work. Someone might think you're a bit pervy.

Setting the Britney Pre-Nup Straight

I said the other day that FedEx will receive something like $10mil according to their pre-nup. I was wrong...VERY wrong! This is what he gets (as reported by US Weekly via Best Week Ever). Poor guy. hehe! haha! hoho!


- K-Fed won’t touch a penny of Britney’s money. All the millions belonging to Britney will stay that way.

- The mansion will be divided 50/50.

- Any gift given worth over $10,000 will go back to the original purchaser. This includes a custom-built motorcycle Brit gave K-Fed for Christmas 2 years ago.

- She will still support him for a little while longer. Brit will pay Kevin $30,000 a month for the period of time that is half the length of their marriage. Meaning he’ll be well sneakered until at least a year from now.

- Spears won’t pay child support. Federline is still responsible for supporting his other two children with previous baby momma Shar Jackson. Luckily, Britney should be able to put food on the table for at least another 200,000 more years.

Oh yeah, and Brit told K-Fed that she was divorcing him OVER TEXT MESSAGE! I love it! This could not get any better! Here's the video from Much Music.


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Kick Him While He's Down!

Did you read this review of K-Fed's Webster Hall show (if you can even call it a show) on the Superficial?

Enjoy!

(Kevin Federline reportedly begged to keep his New York gig at Webster Hall despite only 300 people showing up to the 1,500 capacity club. And as if that weren't sad enough, he was scheduled to go on at 7pm but there were so few people he waited for three hours in hopes more fans would appear. A bartender there says:

"They were going to cancel this concert, but he begged them to keep it on," a Webster Hall bartender told Star. "He had to fight with them to keep this concert. He was holding things up because there weren't enough fans. It was a bad idea - he shouldn't have neglected the fans who were there." Federline's performance has been described as "mercifully short." Britney Spears's hubby only rapped for about half an hour and, reports one eyewitness, "seemed really confused about how to act on stage. He would pace from one side of the stage to the other, just saying things like, 'Hey' thirty times in a row or 'New York, thank you for coming - buy my CD.'"

I am shocked - shocked I say - that Kevin Federline isn't the thrilling performer he claims to be. When I see this guy asleep on his lawn with a bag of Cheetos in one hand and a Playboy in the other I think to myself: "This is a performer. This is a man with the charisma and talent to go all the way." So when I hear reports that his performance may have been any less than spectacular I am shocked. Shocked. )





Ew. Just look at him. Or don't, if it makes you naush.

Halle-effing-luiah Britney!

I am so proud of you girl! You really had me worried there for the last couple years, and now you're coming back! You looked AMAZING on Letterman last night (see video below), and now you've filed for divorce, from that loser, money-hungry little weasel of a husband. Oh K-Fed, I have to hand it to you though...don't you get something crazy like $10 mil? Good work buddy...too bad your album TANKED! Woooooo! I will NOT miss seeing you in the headlines, that's for sure. Unless it's stating how your life has fallen apart, Brit won't let you see your kids, and you're drinking your sorrows away...

GO BRIT BRIT!!!
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Better Pic of the Bday Boy has Been Requested...

I've been told by 2 of my friends that my hot boyfriend looks gay in the birthday pic that I posted of him (Beej), and that there is a different caption that should've been chosen for said pic (Richard).

I disagree, BUT I will post another pic that does not put my man in mid-blow.
You're lucky I love you guys;)


This is a cute one. Even though who knows what the hell I am doing. It's not about me right now anyway...I guess...

HAPPY SURPRISE PARTY!

I can finally blog about where my mind/efforts/life has been for the past 5-6 weeks!

With the help of 'boyfriend's' fam, I threw him a SURPRISE 30TH BIRTHDAY PARTY this past Saturday! I have been such a crazy, neurotic stress-case for the past few weeks trying not to spill the beans, hoping his friends & family didn't spill the beans, and convincing myself that someone had already spilled the beans. I think I'm over all beans at this point.

It turns out that no one spilled anything, beans or otherwise b/c 'boyfriend' was SO SURPRISED!!! How he didn't find out is beyond me b/c everything that could've gone wrong did.

1. He wanted me to plan him a bday party for the following weekend, and I couldn't convince him to wait until after the weekend to send it. So I had to send out a warning email telling all his friends that a fake invite was coming out but to respond as if it's real so that 'boyfriend' thinks his party is next week (did that make sense!?!)

2. I invited my sister and her boyfriend to the party, and since they're out-of-towners, they were staying w/ us. So when they arrived Sat. afternoon we had to lie and tell 'boyfriend' that they were here for another friend's party (he totally bought it).

3. I was on the phone w/ 'boyfriend's' sister the day of the party after he left for the morning w/ a friend. We were talking about the evening's plans when 'boyfriend' walked back into the apartment! I went into shock thinking that he heard me say something! I couldn't stop thinking that I had gone almost 6 weeks w/o saying anything only to ruin it the morning of the party! As soon as I got off the phone w/ 'sister,' I started crying! You'd think a cockroach landed on my head or something! So I called my mom, but Dad answered and of course didn't know what the hell to do w/ a crying little kimmyk, but that just made me laugh listening to him trying to comfort me, so we were all good.

4. 'Boyfriend' thought he was going to a Knick's game, so we couldn't get him out of the apartment so that my sister, her bf and I could get ready! He didn't leave until 6:15pm, and we had to be there at 6:30pm, so I was freaking out!

5. We left the apt. at 6:25pm, couldn't find a cab, had to walk to a different avenue to find one, then ended up in major traffic!

We got there at 7pm, immediately started drinking to calm my nerves, and told all our friends I was fine, even though they could all tell I was an effing mess. A half our later, we saw his friend walk in, 'boyfriend' right behind him. When he came through the curtain we screamed "SURPRISE!!!" And he truly was! I couldn't believe it! We did it! Wooooo!





I AM NEVER THROWING AN EFFING SURPRISE PARTY AGAIN.

The Cockroach Made Me Cry!

So 'boyfriend' and I came home last night from getting our new car (yay), and I got all my stuff out of the car and waited for him to get all his shiz together (FYI, I am constantly waiting for him - I have no patience, and he's slow as all hell - so annoying). Anyhoo, the parking attendant and I are standing there with our hand on our hips, tapping our feet (not really) waiting for my slow-ass (but hot) man, when I feel something land on the back of my neck and get tangled in my hair. Right away I start yelling, "ew, ew, there's a moth in my hair, get it out, get it out, ew, get it out, ew, there's a moth!" as I'm batting at it and trying to get it untangled from my hair to no avail. Next thing you know, Superman parking attendant comes rushing over, grabs the "moth" out of my hair, throws it on the ground, where "moth" morphs into a cockroach, and then gets STOMPED ON by Superman parking attendant!

I tell you! When I saw that it was a roach, I immediately got the heebie jeebies and burst into tears! I didn't even mean to! I don't know what happened, but the flood gates opened, and tears were streaming down my face! Obviously, I'm not a big fan of anything creepy crawly, and this includes disgusting, dirty, NYC cockroaches!

Where was 'boyfriend' while all of this was going on, and why wasn't he my superhero of the day? He was STILL getting all his stuff out of the car. You'd better believe he made me a yummy dinner to make up for not saving my life! I should invite that parking attendant over for dinner.

Stupid Curb

I took a digger on my walk home tonight. Effing curb was in the dark, so I didn't realize that it wasn't really a step up, but more of a ramp-like curb, so when I went to step, I went too far and twisted my damn ankle. This had nothing to do w/ the fact that I was on the phone talking a mile a minute to Reneeeeee b/c we had a lot to talk about. Stupid curb. I made it home though...the limp wore off after about a block.

On my walk to work tomorrow morning, I'm going to take a picture of the culprit and post it up here so all you other walkers can beware. You'll thank me for it.

How NOT to do Yoga: Part II

So I was telling 'boyfriend's' sister about my little yoga mishap yesterday b/c she's the queen of yoga, and she laughed of course, but then told me that it happens quite often so not to worry! So there all you peeps laughing at me! It happens all the time! Even though it was damn funny!

She then proceeded to tell me that falling over out of your headstand is the least that could happen, and I was like, "Why 'boyfriend's sister'? What else could happen?" For the record, I am a bit embarrassed to even write this...

She said that many people tend to pass a bit of gas while doing yoga b/c you're all relaxed and in so many different position, and that the whole room stinks esp when you're in a small studio.

Oh, well that's effing great! Something to look forward to! Thank goodness the studio at NYSC is BIG!

How NOT to do Yoga

I've only been taking yoga for a few weeks now, so I'm not all that good at it yet. However, I absolutely love it and am already feeling like it's something I could actually stick with for longer than 2 weeks (i.e. kickboxing).

My Monday class is my favorite b/c I feel like I'm getting such a good workout! At the end of every class, right before our cool down, the instructor gives us the choice between doing a shoulder stand or a head stand. Last Monday, after only a couple tries, I managed to get into a headstand and actually hold it for like 20 seconds! Go me! (Please note that other chicks in my class stay there for like 5 mins. Whatever bitches). Anyhoo, today's headstand attempt was not quite as successful as last week's. I must've gotten a little cocky b/c I shot right up into it which instructor (her name is Kim too) tells us not to do...you're supposed to walk up into it. Well, sorry I wasn't listening today, Kim, and sorry that I scared the shit out of you when I shot up too fast and fell over the wrong way and down onto my back, making a loud slapping noise w/ my feet! Ha! Of course I started laughing at myself , much to the disruption of the other yoga peeps trying to relax! Oops!

After I fell, I decided that a shoulder stand might be the best way to redeem myself, but by that point, we were done. Ugh! Oh well. There's always my Thursday class w/ a different instructor whom I can scare the crap out of!

The Killers Rocked NYC!

I was way too hungover yesterday to even think about what I was going to write about The Killers show I went to w/ Richie, Trace and Andy B. (from work) the other night at The Theatre at MSG. So I waited until today, but today I'm feeling lazy. So I've decided that it's just easiest to link to Richard's review since we tend to have the same opinions on these types of things.

A couple things Richard did not note about our night was that A. we saw Nigel Barker, noted fashion photographer at our fave pub beforehand. He was w/ some dirty guys though, and he didn't even look that good, so I'm surprised at myself for even mentioning the siting. And B. we had so many beers and Jagerbombs and captain and cokes that we were having a bit of a love fest for a while where we were hugging and kissing cheeks and telling each other how much we love each other. And then after every time we hugged, etc. we'd say, wow, we're drunk. It was funny. At the time. I swear.

Run For Your Life

I went to see Running With Scissors w/ Richard on Monday night. We had been wanting to see it ever since they announced that the Augusten Burroughs book would be turned into a movie. We were SO excited! And then we were SO let down. Kind of.

Richard's review hit the nail on the head. In summary, only go see this movie if you were a big fan of the book, (or if you're preparing to kill yourself in the near future b/c it was that dark), otherwise all will be lost (I'M JOKING PEOPLE!).

However, come Oscar time you will hear Annette Benning' name, as she kicked ass and stole the show.



















PS. Read all of Augusten's books. They rock. Except Selevision...

She's the one they call Dr. Feelgood

...she's the one that makes you feel allllright!

So I forgot to mention that the nametag on my nurse costume says "Nurse Feelgood." Ha! It makes me giggle every time!

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Slut-o-ween

Let me begin by saying that I despise Halloween. I always wait until the last minute to even start thinking about what I'm going to be, and I am so uncreative when it comes to putting together costumes. Not to mention that I am a bit on the frugal side, so I can't justify spending money on a costume that I'll probably only wear once when I can spend it on a new pair of shoes or something.

And let's not forget about how all the sluts come out on Halloween. When did Halloween become Slut-o-ween?!?! Oh right...we've been putting up w/ that for a while now.

Unfortunately, I've spoken a bit too soon on the Slut-o-ween part b/c I went to Ricky's during lunch today to see what I could come up w/ for a costume for this weekend, and we all know what goes on at Ricky's! The aisles were only about a foot and a 1/2 wide, and there were tons of people in there, so talk about tight quarters. Speaking of tight, everything in there is short and tight and meant for skinny people w/ big boobs! What the hell are the rest of us bitches supposed to do? I ended up finding an only semi-dirty, but pretty cute nurse costume that should work. ('Boyfriend' will be my doctor. Grrr.) The picture on the packaging was definitely slutty, but I don't see myself filling it out quite like the skinny, big-boobed chick that was modeling it, so I should be good.

So I get back to work and show a few of my friends the costume, when one of them notices a couple yellow stains on it! Umm...ew! What do we have here? Did someone buy it for a party this past weekend, get jiz all over it, and return it so that some unsuspecting customer (ME!) could purchase it, just to have to go back and return it?!?! Did they think someone would actually wear the dirty, jizzy nurse costume?!

Ew!

This is my costume (the second one, of course)! I have no idea what shoes I'm going to wear w/ it though! It's not that slutty right?

The ABC's of VYNL w/ Beej

Went to lunch w/ JB last week, and it was a pissa! The funniest things were happening! There were so many we had to come up w/ a way to remember them all so we could blog about them later, so Beej came up w/ the ABC's.

A is for Aioli...or is it?

Scoping out the menu, I came across the grilled chicken sandwich w/ M. Jack cheese, roasted red peppers and aioli sauce. Silly kimmyk didn't know what aioli sauce was, so I asked Beej, and he told me it was like flavored mayo or something. Then he said, "sometimes I accidentally say 'that boob thing' instead. You know what I'm talking about?" (as he's pointing and circling his boob). So I said, "you mean areola?" to which we both crack up to the point of people staring at us! That's A.

B is for Bend (and snap)!

Our waitor must've been taking notes when he saw Legally Blonde b/c damn girl! He had the Bend and Snap down! He dropped his napkin ever so nonchalantlly right in front of our table, and then w/o bending his legs even a smidge (he was tall too!), he bent over and picked up that napkin, giving us a prime view, and then snapped back up and sauntered off. He should really quit his day job and start giving lessons. V. impressive. Beej just thought he prob was giving us a show just so he could be blogged about. V. possible. That's B.

C is for chip in my cup!

Look at that sucker! I could've cut off my tongue w/ this thing! JB suggested I put ketchup on my tongue and then he would start screaming that I cut myself so we could sue and get free lunch. But that would be bitchy of us.

No Karaoke For You!

Richie and I ended up having date night last night, and as usual it was a blast! We started out at our friend DEC's gallery opening, which is always fun. Some old lady that could barely walk came in for the free booze, and we were nervous that she was going to fall down the stairs and sue, but she didn't. DEC told us he was insured so it wouldn't have mattered, so we thought maybe we should test it out...then decided against it.

Then we headed up to the China Club to see NICK LACHEY perform a few songs. No big surprise here...he's a big cheeseball, but damn is he gorgeous! He sounded great live too (even though on Ellen, I was NOT impressed). I definitely yelled "take off your shirt" a few times, much to all the other little girls' amusement. Nick wasn't listening though, damnit!

Anywho, we then went to a Thai place (I can't think of the name of it right now) a few blocks away, and ate a ridiculously embarassing amount of chicken pad thai. Richard was amazed at how much I ate, and I am nauseous even thinking about it. Ew.

This inspired us to karaoke (although what doesn't inspire us to karaoke)? So we ended up getting a couple beers at a bodega to sneak them into the private room

Bye Richard!

On my way back from lunch today, I called Richard for a quick chat about our plans tonight. I just happened to be walking by a guy sitting on a bench when I said "Bye Richard!" in my upbeat-it's-friday-and-I'm-going-out-later-and-I-can't-wait-voice, and the guy mocked me, and goes "Bye Richard!" all obnoxious!

Bitch!

Pretty BITCH!

Well would ya look at that! I was flipping through The Onion today, and I found this add that reminded me of someone. Hmm...who could it be? Oh riiiiiight...ME!

Animal Cracker Kick

I can't stop eating effing animal crackers. This has been going on for quite a few months now, and I hadn't had them in years! They're not even Barnum's, they're some "other" brand. Pfff. But, I get a bag almost every day from the kitchen vending maching at work. There are 2 kitchens on each floor, which you think would be plenty, but nooooo. Thank goodness I have access to 3 floors b/c if one damn vending maching is out of my animal crackers, I can always try another one. I've only had to try 3 kitchens in one day though. I'm going for all 6...

No Love

It turns out that my 10-yr HS reunion might not happen anymore. Hmm...maybe b/c I am the ONLY person to respond to the invite. What the hell does that make me? I have no idea, but it's quite sad that my old classmates aren't showing any love. Was it something I said?

Maybe it has something to do w/ the fact that I only graduated w/ 42 people in my class, but still...I was expecting at least a few more bitches besides me to show up!

I guess I'll just stay home and watch a little Romy & Michelle and reminisce...

I Have an Announcement

Big changes going on in my life peeps. Not only am I changing jobs on Monday (within my same company), but I have my 10-yr HS reunion this month, so I'm feeling damn old, AND I am moving in w/ 'boyfriend' any second now! So I apologize for being a bitchfest slacker lately.

Cut me some effing slack, bitches.

Give Me Some Effing Tarter Sauce!

Went to the fry-up at the Little Mermaid last night w/ Richie, DEC and Trace.

Please note *It's actually called the "fish fry" at the "Mermaid Inn," but I get it wrong every time. I can't be perfect all the time, people!

Anywho, turns out they don't serve tarter sauce w/ the fish , which HELLO! What else does tarter sauce go w/ except fish?!?! The waitress informed us that, "the fish is so good, you don't need tarter sauce w/ it." They will, however, give you every other condiment under the sun, and I prefer ketchup, so I was fine w/ just that on my fish.

Richard, however, was NOT happy about this! He wanted his effing tarter sauce! So next time we go, we are bringing little packets of tarter sauce w/ us. Enough to hand them out to the whole damn restaurant if need be! So there.

B.O. In My FACE!

I'm finding it v. hard to believe that I've been bitching for months on this thing and have yet to bitch about B.O. Ha! Never too late to start!

So I'm sure we've all been next to smelly people on the subways - probably at least once a week, maybe even once a day for some of us. Who knows. It sucks. Especially in the summer when people who probably don't normally smell are all sweaty and the stench is just everywhere. Ew, I just almost threw up.

Anyway! I was in the subway last night heading down to meet Richard at our usual spot, and as I was waiting for the doors to close, a man sneaks in behind me (we'll call him "smelly" for short) and pushes me in a little farther. Rude. Normally I would have just moved in a bit more b/c this is NYC and we're used to this shiz. Plus, I have excellent subway etiquette b/c everyone needs to get where they're going as quickly as possible (it's true, NY just makes you hurry). Last night, however, I wasn't feeling friendly for whatever reason, so I just stood there, kind of in his way. Oh kimmyk. BAD CHOICE b/c now "Smelly" sneaks around me and puts his arm up so he can hold on to the overhead handle thingy. Oh.My.God.Please.Help.Me. "Smelly" has some of the raunchiest B.O. I've smelled since NYC August 1951 (I made that up), and his pit is IN MY FACE! I have nowhere to go at this point b/c I refused to move anywhere b/f, and now all the openings are taken by other subway peeps. What is a girl to do?!!? So I end up turning my head as far as I can to breathe in (v. uncomfortable position I might add), and turning it back to breathe out. I was straight out of Night at the Roxbury all the way to 14th St. Ew!

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Bringing Skinny Back

So when skinny pants started coming back recently, I said to myself, "Bitches please! Those damn pants can't come back b/c only deathly skinny chickies can wear them, and it's rude to the rest of us!"

Then I saw that Gap ad that brought Audrey Hepburn back in a new, hip, skinny black pant commercial that made me go out and try on a pair. Audrey made me do it, I swear. I had absolutely no intention of ever even trying them on until she started dancing in her black skinny pants, and she looked like she was having so much fun in them! So it turns out that chickies who are not deathly skinny can wear them too. Oh yeah, and that clever advertising does work (bastards)!

I loved them, bought them and am wearing them today. Come check me out, bitches!

Happy Rusha-home-a!

So today I get to rush home for Rosh Hashanah (actually to 'boyfriend's' home, since I'm a psuedo). So I get to relax, eat lots of yummy food and drink tons of wine! Is that normal to this holiday or just for 'boyfriend's' fam? Hmm...

So nothing too bitchy about this, except the white fish liver stuff that his aunt always try to make me eat. Wish me luck.

Pizza Negotiations

So leaving the LES on Saturday night there were NO CABS in the area, as usual, and it sucked. Finally a livery car pulled over but wanted to charge us way too much $ to get to the UES. So 'boyfriend,' being the smartest man alive (more often than not:)), begins his best salesman pitch. He says we'll give him $X to get home AND a slice of pizza from the place of his choice. Brilliant.

Turns out, we love driver (side note: for those of you who don't know us, 'boyfriend' and I tend to befriend anyone and everyone drunk or sober), so we end up getting driver pizza AND a Mango Madness Snapple (his personal choice).

Smart driver waits while his slice cools off to eat it. Drunk kimmyk decides to dig right in b/c she just can't wait. Not only do I drip grease all over my pretty shirt AND jeans, which are now stained for life, but I also burn my tongue and the roof of my mouth, which still hurt to this day.

I'm thinking it was totally worth it, bitches.

More Gym Etiquette

Hi Ladies!

Umm...I'd really appreciate a little less bending over in the locker room. K? K.

thanks.

Don't Judge a Bar by it's Cover

I've heard good things about Cafe Charbon, so 'boyfriend' and I checked it out while in the LES this past Saturday night.

Now, it was kind of late and we had just come from a birthday party, so I don't remember all that much about the place. I remember liking the look of the place and how dark it was. I remember thinking it was nice that it wasn't all that crowded but crowded enough. And I remember liking this girl's backless shirt that would look pretty cute on me.

Ohhh, wait, hold the phone. It's all coming back to me now . The music was AWFUL! It went from an upbeat Peter Gabriel song (I think) right into something techno. Weird. Don't even get me started on the people. They were horrendous! I'm talking, "please don't even think about looking at me" horrendous. It was bad.

So we just found a corner and made out for a while b/f running for the door.

For some reason, as horen as it was Saturday, I might have to give it another chance. I feel like it might've just been a bad night.

Happy Birthday Big Ry!

My friend Big RyRy is turning 23 today. Holy bejeezes he's getting old!

It seems like just yesterday he was Little RyRy.















They grow up so fast, don't they?

That's a Glamour Don't!

Where's my camera when I need it!?

Why, oh why would someone ever think it's ok to tuck your shirt into spandex? It's bound to look lumpy - it's SPANDEX! It's tight! There's nowhere for the shirt to go! In this case, the guy had layers on, so we're talking TWO shirts tucked in. Oy vey! The guy was kinda old, so maybe it was the cool way to wear your workout clothes back in his day? Please fill me in here. I am begging you.

Kimmyk and Glamour Mag say it's a "don't!"

FYI: So are visible panty lines. Ew.

Congratulations Federererererer

Congrats Roger Federer and Maria Sharapova for winning the 2006 US Open! Yay! What a good US Open! I'm obviously sad about Andre Agassi's retirement, but he went out w/ a bang and he'll always be considered one of the best! Goooooo Andre! I'm also a little sad that Federererer beat Roddick's fine ass, but we'll let that one go since Roger really did deserve to win! He's so damn good.

But really people, wouldn't you rather see THIS win?!?! Day-yum! I think I love you Andy. You're right up there w/ my boy David Wright! (sigh)

Again!?!?!?

This whole Keane concert on/concert off/concert postposted shiz is becoming comical. The show is off. AGAIN. I can't. I just can't...

"Keane Cancels US Dates: Tom Chaplin not ready to tour"

Fine, he needs to get through rehab and get better, I understand that. But what if I'm over them by then? Then what? Am I just supposed to go on w/ my life as if they never existed? I can't believe how selfish they are being!!! Oh wait, maybe that's just me being selfish. Hehe.

Thank goodness they played outside Borders in the Time Warner Center over the summer and I got to see them, however brief...

Here are some photos I found on the web of the performance.

Weatherman Freaks Out Over Cockroach

Just had to share! Enjoy!

Video was deleted by bitches. Whatev! It was pretty effin' funny while it lasted!

Courtside Seats My Ass!!!

Went to the US Open again last night and saw Martina Navrawhosawhatsi (Navratilova) play some doubles w/ some guy and beat some other people, then saw Switzerland's Roger Federer def. our own James Blake. (OK fine, we left early to beat the rush thinking that Roger was going to take the match in 3 sets - I don't want to talk about it).

Anywho, as 'boyfriend' and I were walking into Arthur Ashe Stadium, one of the workers directing people asked to see our tickets. He was this little fat dude w/ long, yucky, wirey hair. We thought it was just a random "let me see your tickets" search, so we showed him. He said something like, "oooh, I've got something better." At first we were a little creeped out, but then he pulled out 2 tickets and said, "Here, courtside seats." We looked at each other, looked back at him, and started thanking him profusely! "OMG, thanks buddy, you're awesome, we are so lucky...blah blah blah." I even let my emotions get the better of me, and I gave him a little hug. Ew! Bad move kimmyk - that's how I found out his hair was yucky and wirey b/c it went IN MY FACE when I hugged him. Ew! At this point, I didn't even care, I was so excited!

As we walked away and headed to the "courtside gates," we looked at the back of the tickets, which we now have realized are just a piece of paper. Hmm...this is shady. The is what the back of the ticket looked like:






So now we've realized that we only have "seat-filler" tickets so that on TV it looks like the place is full or something. Hello! This is the quarter finals! Of course the seat holders are going to arrive!!! And they did...about 3 minutes after we sat down, at which point we got up, moped for a sec and went to our own seats (which were totally fine, just not courtside)!

That effin' guy w/ the yucky hair totally played us! He acted like he was a hero for giving us courtside seats and didn't tell us the whole truth! You little wirey-haired bastard did NOT deserve a hug! Bah!

Tennis Whites?

Went to the US Open last night. Saw Maria Sharapova defeat some French chick, then watched Roddick (love) defeat Lleyton Hewitt in 3 sets. Yay! So everyone won that I wanted to! Tonight I'm seeing Federer vs. Blake!!!!!!!!!!!!! So excited.

Ok, enough bragging; let's get to the bitching.

I usually don't find myself overly conservative, but I do find that certain sports, tennis and golf in particular, have their rules for a reason. Ie. quiet during play, conservative dress, you get the picture. I think it's fun to just relax and watch a civlilized match. Call me crazy, but if I wanted drunkards yelling and throwing things, I'd go to a baseball game (fyi, not knocking baseball here, since it is my fave).

I don't see anything wrong with the evolution of the "fan" in these sports - look what Tiger has done for golf; v. similar to what Happy did. They got people involved in a sport that was known as a "gentleman's game." Ok fine, let's face it, they were considered boring b/f people like Tiger and Agassi and Roddick came along.

What's the point to all my rambling you ask? My point is that I. HATE. THE. NEW. DRESSES. There, I said it. I'm sorry Serena (especially), Venus and even Maria is getting into it this year. The glitter and the glitz and the tackiness has Got. To. Go. You can't tell me this outfit doesn't make you want to barf.



























Oh yeah, and those "gentlemen" who think it's fun to show up at the US Open to sit in the crowd and observe with the rest of us, who feel the need to dress as though they are the ones about to play, need to get a hobby. They are not helping the cause.

1,000 - Effin' Finally!

You are all such bitches! It has taken me 4 months and a buttload of posts to get 1,000 hits! WTF!?! I expected more from you!

Ok, not really. I should be thanking you for going to bitchfestnyc at all! So thanks! You're still bitches though. But I love my bitches:) So as a thank you present, here's a link to the NY Times 1,000 Best Movies Ever Made! Woo Hoo! Fun!

13 Going on 30 isn't on there? That's proposterous!

Effin' Stingray!

I'm so sad about Steve Irwin's death! I hadn't watched his show in quite a while I must admit, but I was such a big fan back in the day, I even had a talking "Crocodile Hunter" doll. No joke. If you pushed his belly he said things like, "Danger, Danger, Danger!" "By crikey!" Isn't she gorgeous!?", and "What a ripper!" in Steve's real voice. I miss that damn thing. Let's all give a big shout-out to Steve for making us laugh and for teaching us that "Crocs rule!"

Oh Rats!

One of 'boyfriend's' and my fave neighborhood restaurants might be ruined after last night's rat siting. V. sad. We hadn't been to ZaZa all summer just b/c we've been trying to travel to other areas of Manhattan besides the UES when we go out. Since the summer is coming to an end, we decided to go last night b/f it gets cold since they have a fabulous back garden.

We were at the end of our meal (thank God, we hadn't just started!), when something caught my eye! A rat bigger than my foot (I am a wopping size 9, mind you) runs behind 'boyfriend's' chair and into the corner behind a table. No one was sitting there. No one else saw it but me. 'Boyfriend' wasn't quite sure he believed that it was a rat that I saw until he heard it screeching! Ahhh! We ended up going inside to pay the bill b/c I started freaking out a bit. I don't need any rats running across my feet!

So here's why ZaZa only might be ruined for us - can you really blame the restaurant for having rats if you see one outside? It could have come from anywhere. I think as long as there aren't any in the kitchen, we're ok. Same for little bitchy roaches. Do you agree?