Skinny Bitch

I put a pic from last year up on my myspace account yesterday, and my friend was like, "OMG, awesome pic SKINNY!"

Umm...you sayin' I'm fat now, bitch!?!?

So I know I've gained a few...my excuse is that it's the winter and I always gain a few over the winter and then lose it again when the warm weather comes b/c I run outside like a maniac...I need some meat on my bones to keep me warm during the cold months! So that's what I told her.

Then she says, "well maybe you should start smoking again, I'll bet that didn't help either!"

Haha! She's lucky I love her!

Bird Caller

Now that it's getting nice out, I've started walking though the park again on my way to work. I see so many crazy things/people in the park! Suki, Suki, Suki guy, slugs falling on my bag, Pot in the park...you get the idea.

This morning might have been the best one though. There's this guy that I see kind of often and I think about blogging about him sometimes, but I haven't felt that his behavior warranted a post UNTIL NOW! Sometimes he's just sitting on a park bench w/ his typewriter, laughing and typing away. Sometimes I see him doing karate moves (I assume it's to get his creative writing juices flowing), but today he was...wait for it...

BIRD CALLING.

Yes he was. There were ducks and swans gathering in the water near this guy, and he was making crazy "ca-cawing" sounds and looking through a little square cut out of cardboard. I think he saw me take a picture of him from afar b/c as I was walking by he whipped himself around and looked at ME through his little square! Normally I would've jumped or ran away, but I've seen him enough to know that he's harmless (thank God I was right)...so I gave him a little smile and kept going. He mumbled something I couldn't really hear...prob saying I'm pretty or some shit, hehe...just joking...he could've just as easily been calling me a big bitch!

Bloomies Blunder

Sometimes when I get out of the 6 train at 59th St., the underground entrance to Bloomingdales just sucks me in. This past Saturday, I got sucked in and went straight to the men's section to avoid overspending on myself. There are a few birthdays coming up that I needed to buy gifts for...but really I just like being in there among all the clothes I pretend I can afford (even though it's usually too crowded for me - see #8).

Case in point, I picked out a gorgeous John Varvatos shirt that I thought would be an amazing bday gift! I asked the sales woman if she had a different size in the back, so she went searching...for quite a long time actually...but eventually came out w/ the right size. So I go up to the counter in her section to pay for it (b/c I want the person that helped me to get the commission - I'm nice like that), and she says, "That will be $157." Ummm, excuse me!?!?

Yeah, I thought the price said $45, not $145! I apologized profusely about my mistake (she was v. nice about it), put the shirt back, and walked my cheap ass out of there as fast as humanly possible. To think I was SO excited and proud of myself for having a great eye for upscale, reasonably-priced clothing. Ha!

Bragging Bitch

At Crush's Wine 101 last night, it was just Richard and I and two other girls at our table. They were nice enough, and by the end of the night we were all BFF since we got just a bit tipsy! I thought it would be fun to start bragging that we were going to Nobu 57, which is so unlike me (even though I'm a big bitch)!

I mean, I love to go to fun, hip, trendy places, but I'm not one to brag, so I surprised myself! I literally said, "I don't mean to brag, but I will..." Richard goes, "KIMMY!" I don't know what got into me! Obv that was some damn good wine! What a bitch!

Back and Still Bitchy

Boy, I've missed you all! I don't even know most of you that read this silly thing, but anyway...

I was up at the new house all last week and kept myself busy by sunning myself on the beach in my basement. I got tons of color! Ok enough about the house. I don't need to update you on that except to say that we have fixed the flooding problem temporarily and it will be permanently fixed come summer. There.

In all seriousness though, I ripped my shirt. Put my elbow right through the damn thing. And I love this shirt. I wonder how many people saw the big hole all day. To make matters worse, I have plans tonight. Wine class w/ Richard, then sush at Nobu 57! Fun fun! Hopefully no one notices my hole tonight. That would be gross.

Welcome to Our Wading Pool

I've been in major stress mode all week; so stressed that I couldn't even bitch about it! Don't get me wrong, I bitched plenty verbally, but I didn't have the heart to write it all down yet. Now I do.

'Boyfriend' and I bought on a ski house this past Friday upstate. Sounds amazing right?!? Well, it is, except for the fact that just hours after we closed, our basement flooded! And not just the a cement/pipes/non-liveable basement, but a finished basement w/ a carpet and exercise equipment and washer/drier. Ugh! Here's how it all went down...

We did our final walk-through in the morning, and everything was fine...went to the lawyer's office for a couple hours (Yay! We have a house!)...went to lunch to celebrate...went shopping for cleaning stuff, food, supplies, etc.

We got back to the house around 8pm at which point I went down to the basement to put away the laundry detergent and stepped into 2-3 inches of water! I turned on the light, saw that water was everywhere, went into shock and started yelling to 'boyfriend' to come downstairs. Oh my goodness, I can't even tell you how bad it was. And this is our first house, and on the day we closed!!!! We understand this kind of thing happens...we are homeowners now (in the words of our dads), but you have got to be kidding me! We had planned on cleaning, decorating and enjoying the house and each other all weekend! Instead, it was just a mess...trying to get all the water out, tearing up some of the carpet, praying to God that it doesn't happen again! We still don't even know the cause! We have a contractor and insurance guy coming next week. In the meantime, we have pumps sitting down there in case whatever happened, happens again.

Welcome to our wading pool...

Speaking of Reindeer Games...

I have a zit coming in on my nose. Right smack dab in the middle of it, and it's so big and red already that I look like Rudolph's long lost cousin. Ugh. Boyfriend can't even look at me without getting that scared look in his eyes (he's joking of course). He's effing lucky I'm a good sport!

10 Things I Love About Moi

So as I said yesterday, I've been tagged by Kimmyk.

Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names.

1. I like to match my undies to my clothes, even though I’m usually the only one who sees them (sorry kimmyk, thongs only...i hate the lines)

2. I am a germ-a-phobe/hypochondriac - I only touch doorknobs at my own and a few select family/friends’ houses (I use my arm or shoulder through revolving doors, a papertowel or sleeve for other doors, especially bathrooms)

3. I have to have my nails painted at all times b/c if I don’t, I’ll file, pick, cut or bite them down to the nub whenever I get the chance

4. I am afraid of chopping off my toes in a revolving door

5. I constantly play w/ my hair, and since about 100 strands fall out per day on average, I’m not satisfied until they all come out in my hand

6. When I talk to myself it's usually in a Southern or British accent

7. I am convinced I have a “good side” and refuse to take a pic unless I’m standing to the left

8. I get extremely nervous, anxious and sweaty before I go somewhere there’s going to be a lot of people (this includes the cafeteria, movie theatre, department stores, bars, etc.), but I always calm down after I’ve been there a little while (or after the first drink)

9. I’ve had my myspace on private b/c I’m paranoid that a psycho killer will find me and stalk me, but I’ve decided to make it public...until I get nervous again...

10. I pride myself on being a bitch, but I’m really not all that bitchy (most of the time)

5 people I'm tagging, but only b/c you're the only people I know w/ blogs...
Richard
Beej
DEC
Jules
Rob

I've Been Tagged!

I've never been tagged by a blogger before. That other Kimmy K is so sneaky.

Basically, I have to think of 10 weird things or habits or little known facts about myself and post them on my blog. Then I have to tag 6 more people to do this. I don't even know if I know 6 bloggers. I'll have to choose a couple at random. Fun fun!

So stay tuned...when I have some time later today or tomorrow, I'll divulge my deepest and darkest (yeah right).

Lata bitches.

Memories, All Alone in the Moonlight...

Going to VYNL today w/ some peeps from work, and all I can think about are the times JB and I had there. He's in Thailand right now, and even though he's only been gone a few weeks I miss him more than I miss "My So Called Life" and "90210." That's a lot. Ahh, the memories...
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Illegal Pissing

Last night I caught my cabbie taking a piss in a bottle while driving me home. I heard his pants unzip and then that sound. You know, the liquid sound...like a bubbling brook, only inside a cab. And it wasn't water, but piss.

AND I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING! Is that illegal? I mean, it's HIS cab!

The funny thing is, I thought I'd be the type of person who would start yelling at him or something. If someone asked me before yesterday (b/c it's certainly a valid question) if I would say something to my cab driver if I caught him pissing in a bottle while driving me home, I would've said, YES OF COURSE I would say something to him!

But when my moment came, I just sat there with a disgusted look on my face. As it is, New Yorkers put a lot of trust in their cab drivers. We get into cars w/ total strangers and just expect them to drive us where we tell them. I don't need to give them a reason to kidnap me!

I mean, at least he had the windows down.




That's not me. Although some people tell me I look Asian.

Yoga Split

So you know how I've been taking yoga? Well I have. About 2-3 times a week for the past 4 or 5 months. Maybe longer...I have no idea. Point is, I have never been flexible. Like, not at all. So yoga has really helped me w/ this. However, most people are able to do things w/ their bodies after a couple months of yoga that I am not even close to. Example: a split. So that's my goal, to be able to do one, both ways. I've been stretching almost every day, getting closer and closer to the ground (quite proud of myself, I might add).

Today after my run, I decided to get some stretching in and work more on achieving this goal. Since I am extremely impatient (I think you all know this about me), I pushed myself too far, and now I have pulled a muscle. Do you know what that means? It means that now I have to wait a few days to attempt my split again! I've set myself back days!

I just want to do a friggin' split. Even my mom can still do one from back in her cheerleading days! Heeee, my mom was a cheerleader. Why is this funny? B/c I am a big jock and never liked cheerleaders. Maybe if I was one, I would be able to do an effing split!

Lady in the Fur Coat

Couldn't get a cab outside the bar last night, so uncle ry and I being the most brilliant people on earth (and not drunk at all), decided to walk a few avenues east to see if we'd have better luck (which turned into about 42 avenues). It wasn't cold or windy out at all, so it was really fun (that's sarcasm people).

Somewhere around Madison Ave, we were still trying to hail a cab. There was an older couple all dressed up standing near us, and the lady had on a big ole fur coat. Now I'm not sure if I wanted to touch it or if the gentle bump into her was purely accidental, but the look she gave me was EVIL!

I said I was sorry, bitch!


For some reason, this picture came up when I googled images of "bitch in a fur coat." hahahha

Happy VD!

So Immature

My immaturity is always revealed at the worst possible times. I was in a training session the other day, and the trainer guy kept using the word "probe" during his presentation. Of course, I whisper, "he said probe," and start giggling, which leads to a few giggles around me. Later in the training, as I'm starting to get bored, I decide to liven thing up a bit by writing "LOOK" w/ an arrow pointing down on the outside of a napkin, then writing "probe" on the inside and passing it around. How rude and obnoxious am I?!?! The poor guy giving his presentation probably thought we were laughing at him! Awww.

No Smoking!

I know it's cold out people, but smoking in the atm-only bank while waiting for the bus is disgusting, not to mention illegal. I went to take money out the other morning, and this old lady was blocking my way of getting through the door. So of course I gave her an obnoxious "excuse me." She moved ever so slightly to let me by.

As I was standing at the atm, I hear the flick, flick, flicker of a lighter, then almost immediately smell smoke. Ummm, are you kidding?! Did you really just light up in a 10 x 10 room?!?! It's a bank!

On my way out b/c I couldn't think of anything better to say (it was the morning, and my bitchiness wasn't in full effect yet, so cut me some effing slack), I said, "you are killing me w/ that thing lady. I hope you get a huge fine!" To which she replied, "oh really?" all sarcastic and bitchy. Grrr.

I quit smoking about 6 months ago, and since then, yes I feel entitled to yell at people when their smoke gets in my face and yes I do think I am better than you, bitch.

(A small sorry to my smoker friends: I still love you even though you smell).

Stinky Shoes

I met Richard down at his place last night to walk little Fran Drescher before we went to DEC's gallery opening. (Wow, lots of links in that one)! Fun time as usual...we mingled, we drank wine, we eyed the art. Then we went to the after party at our usual place of worship for some pints. I left after just a couple since I hadn't even planned on going to the after party (my arm was almost twisted out of its socket). You'd think the night would've ended there, but NOOOOOOO, I hailed a cab w/ an old, dirty, smelly pair of shoes just sitting right on the seat. At least I didn't have to ride home alone...

ANNA NICOLE IS DEAD!??!

I can't believe Anna Nicole is dead!!! As crazy as she was, I never expected her to just collapse in a hotel room and die! It must've been drugs right? They said she was hospitalized for pneumonia for a week back in November, but I'm thinking that has nothing to do with it.
















What's more surprising than her death, is that every person I know e-mailed, called, IM'd and shouted it from the rooftops all at the same time. It was as if it was announced inside people's brains simultaneously! Long live the internet!

You know what? Poor Anna fought so long and hard for the old man's money, and now she won't even get to enjoy it. Sad. V. sad. I'll betcha Howard K. Stern is wishing that crazy marriage-on-a-boat ceremony was real! Or maybe it was... Can you say motive?

Remembering Anna Nicole

Only Time Will Tell

I think my semi-new watch is broken. The battery isn't dead b/c the second hand is moving a little bit but staying in the same place. This watch was a gift for my birthday back in July, so it's not THAT old, and it's kind of a nice one! I'm going to write to Michele and tell her that my beautiful watch is a big piece of poo!

Maybe 'boyfriend' bought it on the street and didn't tell me. Hmmm...

JOKE!

Spencer Bratt

Is anyone besides me watching The Hills on MTV? Well, I can't get enough of it even though it's cheesey and petty and bitchy. The drama just sucks me in.


I've been finding myself yelling at the television these past few weeks though, usually aimed towards Heidi, Lauren's (she doesn't want to be called LC anymore) BFF and roomie b/c her boyfriend, Spencer Pratt, is such a dirtbag! He's unfaithful and manipulative, and everything that comes out of his mouth is so obviously fake! It just makes me scream that Heidi is falling for it!

In last night's episode, however, Heidi has finally caught him in the act, and it doesn't hurt that Audrina has proof of his cheating, lying ways! Ugh, I want him off the show. He bugs me. Not sure if that's going to happen though b/c in the previews for next week, it shows Heidi on the phone w/ Spence saying, "I need at least a week away from you." A week!? Oh Heidi, how about a lifetime?!

Here is Spencer's myspace page, which makes me want to barf. Feel free to write mean things to him. Ha!





Ew! Doesn't he just look like a creep?