Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto

The other day on my walk to work, something caught my eye. It was a bright light, like what you see when the sun hits your watch just right.

I turned to find a woman in silver pants walking her dogs. Yes, the sun hit her pants and almost blinded me! What the hell was this bitch thinking???

Now, as you know, I usually walk through the park on beautiful days like this, but I absolutely had to get close to this woman for a picture. This will make your day.

Truck Dancin'

I was just on YouTube looking for something and instead came across this and thought I'd share. It cracks me up.
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Friday the 13th!

I JUST remembered that today is Friday the 13th. I'm not all that superstitious, but it's fun to pretend sometimes for conversation (and blog) purposes...

Nothing out of the ordinary has happened today...yet. I made a mental note last week that I would need to look out for scary stuff today, but so far it's been a pretty normal day. I mean, I feel like total ass from the 82 beers I had last night, but that's my typical Friday feeling. And I haven't stubbed any toes or gotten any paper cuts. And no new zits have decided to appear (bonus). I did have a tummy ache a bit earlier, but my cheeseburger at lunch cleared that right up.

Oh. Wait. Hold the phone. My chapstick fell out of my pocket and into the toilet this morning. (Yes, I left it there, and it flushed quite nicely).

That does it! It's Friday the 13th alright! Be careful everyone. Watch your back. And your chapsitck.

Shout Out

I was in my sales meeting on Wednesday, and it was mentioned that a new show (The Human Giant) was coming up from "some guys from Upright Citizens Brigade," and of course I thought of my old friend Rob Lathan b/c I went to see him perform at UCBT ages ago. Then, about 10 mins ago my friend from work sent me a youtube link for Shutterbugs (one of the clips in the Human Giant show), and there he was! It's hysterical!

P.S. I stand corrected...the new show might be Gemberling (thx Rob). I obv wasn't listening in the meeting. oopsie). I was wondering why THG was on mtv and not [adult swim]. Dir kim.

Nothing to do w/ that show, but every once in a while I read Rob's blog, and it's always funny, but this has got to be the best:

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Hamster Dance

It's been a looooong, busy week...plus I went out last night, so I'm obv quite tired. So instead of being my usual HYSTERICAL self, I'll leave you w/ this...

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY RICHARD!!!

OK, that's it. I just love him and want him to have the best b-day! WOOOO!

Six Degrees, The Black Donnelly's

It's a sad day here in kimmyk-land.

Two of my new fave shows have been canceled, and I am sad. I realize that none of you watched these shows (b/c obv no one did), but if you could just bow your heads in remembrance, I'd truly appreciate it. I think I'm going to write some letters to ABC & NBC telling them that I don't appreciate them teasing me like this.

Illegal Finger Lickin'

Don't you think there should be a law against people sticking their finger into the back of their mouth to scoop out the food that is stuck between their teeth and cheek and then eating it when at the table w/ other people?

It makes me naush.

My Appearance on Ellen

On my walk to work today, I looked up at my building and thought about how cool it was when Ellen was taping her show here last year. The studio looks out onto Columbus Circle/Central park, and I could always see them setting up in the morning.

A woman who lives across from the studio put up a big sign saying something like, "hello Ellen you da bomb" or "Good luck Ellen" or something like that. Well when Ellen saw this, she ran on over w/ a camera crew and went to visit this woman!!! I was SO JEALOUS!

So now it's my dream to have Ellen look out the studio window and see me walking by as I'm doing something worthy of a shout-out! Like tripping or looking cute or spitting (not that I spit regularly, but I might swallow a bug or something...), and Ellen would laugh, and b/c I'm so funny she would run downstairs and invite me up to be on her show.

Shorty

I was going through the pictures in my camera phone last night and came across what might be one of the funniest things ever...

Was at a Gnarls Barkley concert at summer stage last year w/ 'boyfriend.' We got there nice and early to get a good spot since we had general admission tix. Mind you, 'boyfriend' is 5'7" at his tallest (this is on a good day), so we like to find prime seating whenever possible so we can both see. (I am only 5'5", but since that is above average for a chick we call me tall and him short:)) We got a great spot right behind the front of the fence (behind the seated peeps), and waited for the show to start.

A few minutes after the show starts this guy starts making his way towards the center of the crowd. You couldn't miss him...he was at least 7 ft. tall! And OF COURSE he stopped RIGHT in front of us...and stood there...for a good half hour! hahahhaha! It was too late for us to move, so we just dealt w/ it. Good thing the show sucked and left early anyway.

Skinny Bitch

I put a pic from last year up on my myspace account yesterday, and my friend was like, "OMG, awesome pic SKINNY!"

Umm...you sayin' I'm fat now, bitch!?!?

So I know I've gained a few...my excuse is that it's the winter and I always gain a few over the winter and then lose it again when the warm weather comes b/c I run outside like a maniac...I need some meat on my bones to keep me warm during the cold months! So that's what I told her.

Then she says, "well maybe you should start smoking again, I'll bet that didn't help either!"

Haha! She's lucky I love her!

Bird Caller

Now that it's getting nice out, I've started walking though the park again on my way to work. I see so many crazy things/people in the park! Suki, Suki, Suki guy, slugs falling on my bag, Pot in the park...you get the idea.

This morning might have been the best one though. There's this guy that I see kind of often and I think about blogging about him sometimes, but I haven't felt that his behavior warranted a post UNTIL NOW! Sometimes he's just sitting on a park bench w/ his typewriter, laughing and typing away. Sometimes I see him doing karate moves (I assume it's to get his creative writing juices flowing), but today he was...wait for it...

BIRD CALLING.

Yes he was. There were ducks and swans gathering in the water near this guy, and he was making crazy "ca-cawing" sounds and looking through a little square cut out of cardboard. I think he saw me take a picture of him from afar b/c as I was walking by he whipped himself around and looked at ME through his little square! Normally I would've jumped or ran away, but I've seen him enough to know that he's harmless (thank God I was right)...so I gave him a little smile and kept going. He mumbled something I couldn't really hear...prob saying I'm pretty or some shit, hehe...just joking...he could've just as easily been calling me a big bitch!

Bloomies Blunder

Sometimes when I get out of the 6 train at 59th St., the underground entrance to Bloomingdales just sucks me in. This past Saturday, I got sucked in and went straight to the men's section to avoid overspending on myself. There are a few birthdays coming up that I needed to buy gifts for...but really I just like being in there among all the clothes I pretend I can afford (even though it's usually too crowded for me - see #8).

Case in point, I picked out a gorgeous John Varvatos shirt that I thought would be an amazing bday gift! I asked the sales woman if she had a different size in the back, so she went searching...for quite a long time actually...but eventually came out w/ the right size. So I go up to the counter in her section to pay for it (b/c I want the person that helped me to get the commission - I'm nice like that), and she says, "That will be $157." Ummm, excuse me!?!?

Yeah, I thought the price said $45, not $145! I apologized profusely about my mistake (she was v. nice about it), put the shirt back, and walked my cheap ass out of there as fast as humanly possible. To think I was SO excited and proud of myself for having a great eye for upscale, reasonably-priced clothing. Ha!

Bragging Bitch

At Crush's Wine 101 last night, it was just Richard and I and two other girls at our table. They were nice enough, and by the end of the night we were all BFF since we got just a bit tipsy! I thought it would be fun to start bragging that we were going to Nobu 57, which is so unlike me (even though I'm a big bitch)!

I mean, I love to go to fun, hip, trendy places, but I'm not one to brag, so I surprised myself! I literally said, "I don't mean to brag, but I will..." Richard goes, "KIMMY!" I don't know what got into me! Obv that was some damn good wine! What a bitch!

Back and Still Bitchy

Boy, I've missed you all! I don't even know most of you that read this silly thing, but anyway...

I was up at the new house all last week and kept myself busy by sunning myself on the beach in my basement. I got tons of color! Ok enough about the house. I don't need to update you on that except to say that we have fixed the flooding problem temporarily and it will be permanently fixed come summer. There.

In all seriousness though, I ripped my shirt. Put my elbow right through the damn thing. And I love this shirt. I wonder how many people saw the big hole all day. To make matters worse, I have plans tonight. Wine class w/ Richard, then sush at Nobu 57! Fun fun! Hopefully no one notices my hole tonight. That would be gross.

Welcome to Our Wading Pool

I've been in major stress mode all week; so stressed that I couldn't even bitch about it! Don't get me wrong, I bitched plenty verbally, but I didn't have the heart to write it all down yet. Now I do.

'Boyfriend' and I bought on a ski house this past Friday upstate. Sounds amazing right?!? Well, it is, except for the fact that just hours after we closed, our basement flooded! And not just the a cement/pipes/non-liveable basement, but a finished basement w/ a carpet and exercise equipment and washer/drier. Ugh! Here's how it all went down...

We did our final walk-through in the morning, and everything was fine...went to the lawyer's office for a couple hours (Yay! We have a house!)...went to lunch to celebrate...went shopping for cleaning stuff, food, supplies, etc.

We got back to the house around 8pm at which point I went down to the basement to put away the laundry detergent and stepped into 2-3 inches of water! I turned on the light, saw that water was everywhere, went into shock and started yelling to 'boyfriend' to come downstairs. Oh my goodness, I can't even tell you how bad it was. And this is our first house, and on the day we closed!!!! We understand this kind of thing happens...we are homeowners now (in the words of our dads), but you have got to be kidding me! We had planned on cleaning, decorating and enjoying the house and each other all weekend! Instead, it was just a mess...trying to get all the water out, tearing up some of the carpet, praying to God that it doesn't happen again! We still don't even know the cause! We have a contractor and insurance guy coming next week. In the meantime, we have pumps sitting down there in case whatever happened, happens again.

Welcome to our wading pool...

Speaking of Reindeer Games...

I have a zit coming in on my nose. Right smack dab in the middle of it, and it's so big and red already that I look like Rudolph's long lost cousin. Ugh. Boyfriend can't even look at me without getting that scared look in his eyes (he's joking of course). He's effing lucky I'm a good sport!

10 Things I Love About Moi

So as I said yesterday, I've been tagged by Kimmyk.

Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names.

1. I like to match my undies to my clothes, even though I’m usually the only one who sees them (sorry kimmyk, thongs only...i hate the lines)

2. I am a germ-a-phobe/hypochondriac - I only touch doorknobs at my own and a few select family/friends’ houses (I use my arm or shoulder through revolving doors, a papertowel or sleeve for other doors, especially bathrooms)

3. I have to have my nails painted at all times b/c if I don’t, I’ll file, pick, cut or bite them down to the nub whenever I get the chance

4. I am afraid of chopping off my toes in a revolving door

5. I constantly play w/ my hair, and since about 100 strands fall out per day on average, I’m not satisfied until they all come out in my hand

6. When I talk to myself it's usually in a Southern or British accent

7. I am convinced I have a “good side” and refuse to take a pic unless I’m standing to the left

8. I get extremely nervous, anxious and sweaty before I go somewhere there’s going to be a lot of people (this includes the cafeteria, movie theatre, department stores, bars, etc.), but I always calm down after I’ve been there a little while (or after the first drink)

9. I’ve had my myspace on private b/c I’m paranoid that a psycho killer will find me and stalk me, but I’ve decided to make it public...until I get nervous again...

10. I pride myself on being a bitch, but I’m really not all that bitchy (most of the time)

5 people I'm tagging, but only b/c you're the only people I know w/ blogs...
Richard
Beej
DEC
Jules
Rob

I've Been Tagged!

I've never been tagged by a blogger before. That other Kimmy K is so sneaky.

Basically, I have to think of 10 weird things or habits or little known facts about myself and post them on my blog. Then I have to tag 6 more people to do this. I don't even know if I know 6 bloggers. I'll have to choose a couple at random. Fun fun!

So stay tuned...when I have some time later today or tomorrow, I'll divulge my deepest and darkest (yeah right).

Lata bitches.

Memories, All Alone in the Moonlight...

Going to VYNL today w/ some peeps from work, and all I can think about are the times JB and I had there. He's in Thailand right now, and even though he's only been gone a few weeks I miss him more than I miss "My So Called Life" and "90210." That's a lot. Ahh, the memories...
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Illegal Pissing

Last night I caught my cabbie taking a piss in a bottle while driving me home. I heard his pants unzip and then that sound. You know, the liquid sound...like a bubbling brook, only inside a cab. And it wasn't water, but piss.

AND I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING! Is that illegal? I mean, it's HIS cab!

The funny thing is, I thought I'd be the type of person who would start yelling at him or something. If someone asked me before yesterday (b/c it's certainly a valid question) if I would say something to my cab driver if I caught him pissing in a bottle while driving me home, I would've said, YES OF COURSE I would say something to him!

But when my moment came, I just sat there with a disgusted look on my face. As it is, New Yorkers put a lot of trust in their cab drivers. We get into cars w/ total strangers and just expect them to drive us where we tell them. I don't need to give them a reason to kidnap me!

I mean, at least he had the windows down.




That's not me. Although some people tell me I look Asian.

Yoga Split

So you know how I've been taking yoga? Well I have. About 2-3 times a week for the past 4 or 5 months. Maybe longer...I have no idea. Point is, I have never been flexible. Like, not at all. So yoga has really helped me w/ this. However, most people are able to do things w/ their bodies after a couple months of yoga that I am not even close to. Example: a split. So that's my goal, to be able to do one, both ways. I've been stretching almost every day, getting closer and closer to the ground (quite proud of myself, I might add).

Today after my run, I decided to get some stretching in and work more on achieving this goal. Since I am extremely impatient (I think you all know this about me), I pushed myself too far, and now I have pulled a muscle. Do you know what that means? It means that now I have to wait a few days to attempt my split again! I've set myself back days!

I just want to do a friggin' split. Even my mom can still do one from back in her cheerleading days! Heeee, my mom was a cheerleader. Why is this funny? B/c I am a big jock and never liked cheerleaders. Maybe if I was one, I would be able to do an effing split!

Lady in the Fur Coat

Couldn't get a cab outside the bar last night, so uncle ry and I being the most brilliant people on earth (and not drunk at all), decided to walk a few avenues east to see if we'd have better luck (which turned into about 42 avenues). It wasn't cold or windy out at all, so it was really fun (that's sarcasm people).

Somewhere around Madison Ave, we were still trying to hail a cab. There was an older couple all dressed up standing near us, and the lady had on a big ole fur coat. Now I'm not sure if I wanted to touch it or if the gentle bump into her was purely accidental, but the look she gave me was EVIL!

I said I was sorry, bitch!


For some reason, this picture came up when I googled images of "bitch in a fur coat." hahahha

Happy VD!

So Immature

My immaturity is always revealed at the worst possible times. I was in a training session the other day, and the trainer guy kept using the word "probe" during his presentation. Of course, I whisper, "he said probe," and start giggling, which leads to a few giggles around me. Later in the training, as I'm starting to get bored, I decide to liven thing up a bit by writing "LOOK" w/ an arrow pointing down on the outside of a napkin, then writing "probe" on the inside and passing it around. How rude and obnoxious am I?!?! The poor guy giving his presentation probably thought we were laughing at him! Awww.

No Smoking!

I know it's cold out people, but smoking in the atm-only bank while waiting for the bus is disgusting, not to mention illegal. I went to take money out the other morning, and this old lady was blocking my way of getting through the door. So of course I gave her an obnoxious "excuse me." She moved ever so slightly to let me by.

As I was standing at the atm, I hear the flick, flick, flicker of a lighter, then almost immediately smell smoke. Ummm, are you kidding?! Did you really just light up in a 10 x 10 room?!?! It's a bank!

On my way out b/c I couldn't think of anything better to say (it was the morning, and my bitchiness wasn't in full effect yet, so cut me some effing slack), I said, "you are killing me w/ that thing lady. I hope you get a huge fine!" To which she replied, "oh really?" all sarcastic and bitchy. Grrr.

I quit smoking about 6 months ago, and since then, yes I feel entitled to yell at people when their smoke gets in my face and yes I do think I am better than you, bitch.

(A small sorry to my smoker friends: I still love you even though you smell).

Stinky Shoes

I met Richard down at his place last night to walk little Fran Drescher before we went to DEC's gallery opening. (Wow, lots of links in that one)! Fun time as usual...we mingled, we drank wine, we eyed the art. Then we went to the after party at our usual place of worship for some pints. I left after just a couple since I hadn't even planned on going to the after party (my arm was almost twisted out of its socket). You'd think the night would've ended there, but NOOOOOOO, I hailed a cab w/ an old, dirty, smelly pair of shoes just sitting right on the seat. At least I didn't have to ride home alone...

ANNA NICOLE IS DEAD!??!

I can't believe Anna Nicole is dead!!! As crazy as she was, I never expected her to just collapse in a hotel room and die! It must've been drugs right? They said she was hospitalized for pneumonia for a week back in November, but I'm thinking that has nothing to do with it.
















What's more surprising than her death, is that every person I know e-mailed, called, IM'd and shouted it from the rooftops all at the same time. It was as if it was announced inside people's brains simultaneously! Long live the internet!

You know what? Poor Anna fought so long and hard for the old man's money, and now she won't even get to enjoy it. Sad. V. sad. I'll betcha Howard K. Stern is wishing that crazy marriage-on-a-boat ceremony was real! Or maybe it was... Can you say motive?

Remembering Anna Nicole

Only Time Will Tell

I think my semi-new watch is broken. The battery isn't dead b/c the second hand is moving a little bit but staying in the same place. This watch was a gift for my birthday back in July, so it's not THAT old, and it's kind of a nice one! I'm going to write to Michele and tell her that my beautiful watch is a big piece of poo!

Maybe 'boyfriend' bought it on the street and didn't tell me. Hmmm...

JOKE!

Spencer Bratt

Is anyone besides me watching The Hills on MTV? Well, I can't get enough of it even though it's cheesey and petty and bitchy. The drama just sucks me in.


I've been finding myself yelling at the television these past few weeks though, usually aimed towards Heidi, Lauren's (she doesn't want to be called LC anymore) BFF and roomie b/c her boyfriend, Spencer Pratt, is such a dirtbag! He's unfaithful and manipulative, and everything that comes out of his mouth is so obviously fake! It just makes me scream that Heidi is falling for it!

In last night's episode, however, Heidi has finally caught him in the act, and it doesn't hurt that Audrina has proof of his cheating, lying ways! Ugh, I want him off the show. He bugs me. Not sure if that's going to happen though b/c in the previews for next week, it shows Heidi on the phone w/ Spence saying, "I need at least a week away from you." A week!? Oh Heidi, how about a lifetime?!

Here is Spencer's myspace page, which makes me want to barf. Feel free to write mean things to him. Ha!





Ew! Doesn't he just look like a creep?

Pretty Footed Girls Wanted

This ad from craigslist was sent to me by my good friend Jay Jay this morning. He must think I have damn pretty feet. He's right.

Pretty Footed Girls Wanted For Foot Videos -- $100 (Midtown)

Reply to: mailto:job-271474092@craigslist.org?subject=Pretty%20Footed%20Girls%20Wanted%20For%20Foot%20Videos%20--%20$100%20(Midtown)
Date: 2007-01-31, 6:27PM EST

Hi Girls! We are an upscale foot fetish video company that is seeking attractive girls between the ages of 18 - 30 that would like to make money doing foot fetish videos. No nudity required, and no sex. The pay is $100 per shoot. We have very regular work available so you can make some excellent money. We do ask that aside from being attractive and having pretty feet, that you are proffesional, puntual and reliable. Our best employees make thousands per month. If interested, please reply with the following 3 things.
1. Your Name
2. Your Number
3. A Photo
We will call you if interested.
Talk to you soon!

Compensation: $100 per shoot
This is a part-time job.
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.Posting ID: 271474092

I'm not sure if I should've shared this with all of you. Now I'll have some competition!

Foot Phobe Feelin' Fine

I'll bet you're all wondering how my feet are now that I've finally gone to the foot doc. Turns out, I have been in denial for a couple years and I do in fact have bunions. Greaaaaaat. The doctor wasn't scary at all though, and he barely touched my feet. Must've been the smell.

Some X-rays were taken, and I don't need surgery b/c they're not THAT bad...yet. BUT, in order to prevent them from getting worse, I have to get orthodics. OMG, now I am a big foot nerd. But that's the price I'll have to pay for no more foot pain! Oh yeah, along w/ almost $500 b/c insurance doesn't cover them.

INSURANCE BITCHES!

Foot Fear

I've always had a fear of hurting my feet. Stubbing them, getting them caught in something, breaking a toe, having one of my toenails or toes fall off, you know, normal feet fears (for me anyway)! Really though, I am VERY cautious of my feet at all times. Especially when I'm wearing flip flops and walking through revolving doors. I always think my pinky toes are not going to make it through w/ the rest of my body. Is that weird?

I think it started when I realized that I have much bonier and higher-arched feet than most people. My mom has the same feet, so it was always normal to me. Then people started asking me if I knew that I had bunions. Umm...NO, I absolutely do NOT have bunions, I just have bony feet, so shut the eff up. See "Heat Rash" for pix of my feet and you be the bunion judge. (For the record, 'Boyfriend' and Richard both hate feet, especially MINE)!

However, my feet have been bothering me for quite some time now (like a couple years). I think it's b/c I walk everywhere in the city and don't always wear sneakers. Flip flops is my fave thing to walk in, but those will kill high arches like mine. My feet have definitely flattened out since I've moved to NYC. My arches hurt every day, especially when I wake up. And when 'boyfriend' rubs my feet (yes, I am a v. lucky girl), sometimes it hurts.

I made foot doctor appointment for tomorrow morning, and I'm scared shitless. What if I do have bunions and effed up arches and need surgery! My foot fear will be at its all-time WORST! I'm flipping out a little.

Stay tuned...

The Sugar Drawer

I'm in an extra bitchy mood today b/c not only am I ridiculously tired and hungover, but the rash on my face is still there and it doesn't look any better. I can't wait to go to the salon later and show them and make them give me free shit.

On a new note, my bitchiness is affecting my day in many ways. Just a little while ago I got pissed off at the sugar drawer at work b/c all the packets are out of order, not to mention the kitchen is a mess. Your mother doesn't live here people...clean up your own shit.

Ok, so the sugar drawer thing is just my OCD kicking in, but this is not the first day that I've found myself organizing the sugar drawer. There are sections for a reason!





Look at this mess!

Frozen Boogies

Since I was little whenever it was cold out, my dad would say, "is it cold enough to freeze your boogies?" He's so cute.

Today is one of those days. It was 9 degrees out when I left my apt. to walk crosstown for 35 mins. My "boogies" were frozen in a matter of seconds in case you were wondering, Dad, and my legs were numb after about 10 mins.

The rest of me was nice and toasty though. See?

Ding Ding Ding!

I'm sure you're sick of hearing about the line on my face, but it has finally occurred to me that it's not a sleep line. I think it's a rash from the effing $45 scam, I mean shine, treatment!!!

It was only supposed to be left on for 7 mins, and I know this b/c the hairwasher bitch said to Yoni (hehe, the stylist's name was Yoni (vulva puppet anyone?)), "it's only supposed to stay on for 7 mins right?" And Yoni said yes dear in his little Greek? Swedish? accent.

So after sitting there for about 5 mins w/ the treatment on, Yoni decides to move me over under a hairdryer, and he says, "here, now you will be warm." So I'm thinking, why the hell do I have to be warm for the last 2 mins? Do I look cold? Turns out it slows it down or something, but whatev...

Hairwasher bitch then starts washing someone else's hair (who turns out to be a woman who works there). Umm...hello, it's been over 7 mins, and my scalp is starting to burn a little bit, and you're washing a co-worker's hair? Hmm...what is wrong w/ this picture?

I started fuming after about 15 minutes b/c my scalp is burning and the shiz is dripping down the side of my face. I should've just gotten up and gone bitchfest on their asses, but I waited patiently. Yoni finally looked over at me after about 25 mins, so I tapped my wrist (w/ no watch), so he knew I was ready to be rinsed. Like now.

Hairwasher bitch rinses, Yoni cuts, I go home w/ an itchy scalp (but v. shiny hair).

Fast-fwd to this morning, past the 2 "sleeping line" blogs, to about a 1/2 hour ago when I realize that sleeping line is not just a line, but is now blotchy and spreading down the left side of my face. Oh yeah, it's a full-blown rash and I have 2 parties to attend tonight. Guess I will be going all rashy.

I called Yoni, told him what happened. He told me I must be allergic to the treatment. I'm not allergic to anything, but fine, I'm allergic, and you left it on my burning scalp and dripping down my face for for 25 mins. He said, "first, I am sorry, second, what can I do to make you happy?" Well, well, now we're getting somewhere. Free haircuts for the rest of my life? Ok, fine, I'll settle for a free cut and blowdry, which he agreed to.

Being rashy and bitchy kinda paid off! Good thing bars are dark:(

It's Still There...

WTF? Maybe I scratched myself???

Sleeping Line

Is it normal to still have a sleeping line on my face the entire size of my pillow if I've been up for over 3 hours? It's looks dreadful!














My hair looks shiny though. I was scammed into a $45 shine treatment last night. That's what I get for being a "walk-in" - I get taken advantage of. Fine, I should've asked how much it cost, but really bitches...$45? Puh-lease!

Up All Day, Up All Night

My parents made my Grandma's recipe of homemade Kaluha to put in our holiday family goodie bags this year. They put it in cute little jars w/ pretty ribbons around it...awww. Anyway, I tried it the other night for the first time. I'd had a hard day at work, so I figured knockin' back a little homemade Kaluha would do the trick. So I filled up a little shot glass (ok fine, it was a double), and added some milk. De-lish!

It was so delish, that I had another! Umm...yeah, little did I know that it take about 5 kazillion cups of ground coffee to make a few cups of Kaluha (not really, although I'll have to check what Gram's had in it. Prob double coffee, double brandy:)).

So I tossed and turned allllll night and couldn't figure out why! Alcohol usually puts me right to sleep (ok fine, usually w/ the amount I have, I pass the eff out), but not this time!

It wasn't until the next morning while I yawned and whined to 'boyfriend' that I didn't sleep a wink that I realized what had happened.

It's some friggin' delicious Kaluha though.

My Half Sneeze

You know when you try to hold in a sneeze, but then change your mind at the last second and it ends up coming out as this snort slash shriek slash body-jolt? Well, I do b/c I did it last night.

'Boyfriend' and I were watching Studio 60 (on DVR, obv), and I had to sneeze but didn't want to disturb him or the show. So I figured I'd try to hold it in. But then, I changed my mind b/c supposedly it kills brain cells if you hold in your sneezes! Gasp! (Turns out that's just a dirty lie...kind of).

So I ended up half sneezing, which came out kind of like a cat screeching, and my body decided to convulse and shake, and I ended up disturbing the show even more than if I had just sneezed for eff's sake! I do not recommend holding in your sneezes and then changing your mind. 'Boyfriend' thought I was having a seizure!

Ok, I guess you had to be there b/c we were laughing uncontrollably.
Good story kim.

Psycho Bride

We have a major psycho on our hands with this chick. If you have time to watch the full 6 mins, please do. You will feel bad for her and laugh at her at the same time. I love her bridesmaids. I kinda want to be friends w/ them. If you don't have time for the full 6 mins, here's the gist of the first 4 mins...

The bridesmaids are in a hotel room getting ready for the wedding, when the bride walks in from the hair salon w/ the weirdest "Shirley Temple" do I've ever seen, and she's flipping out and crying. Her friends try to calm her down to know avail. She is screaming at her hair, at her friends, at her sister...she gets a little physical too. They really are just trying to help. I LOVE that they're laughing at her though. How her friend is taping the whole thing, I have no idea. These girls deserve medals.

Make sure you watch the full last couple of minutes. You won't believe what happens! Enjoy!

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I Dream of Paris

I had a dream about Paris Hilton last night. No boys, not like that.

I was back in college, although I wasn't in Hartford. I think it was California. And we were in a house, not a dorm. Paris was my roommate, and we were getting ready for a trip to Florida*.

*Yes, I realize Paris would never take a trip to FL, but this is a dream, people.

We were going to leave for the airport separately (b/c she's a slow packer), so my car got there and I left only to realize about a mile away that I hadn't packed my bathing suits! Gasp! So I called Paris to tell her I was coming back to the house to pick them up, and being the nicest person in the world (in my dream, of course), she said she'd get them all out for me so I could just run upstairs and grab a couple and be on my way. Wasn't that so nice of her!?!?

Paris and I are SOOO BFF.


















P.S. YES, I also realize that I don't know how to use photoshop. Lay the eff off.

BEWARE!

This sign was posted in the bar I went to last night w/ Richard.















Those damn New Orleans bitches are really ruining it for the rest of us loose women!

Closet Eater

Good thing I am a skinny bitch b/c I am finally ready to admit that I am in fact a CLOSET EATER. 'Boyfriend' was away for a week on business and there's something about him not being there that brings out the fat girl in kimmyk. Can you say pasta and soda and pizza and ice cream? Ok fine, it was low-fat frozen yogurt, but it had cookie dough and brownie chunks in it, and it was delish!














MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Watch Your Back

My friend just sent me a YouTube link to a fun game the "Bad Girls" like to call "The Hair Petting Game." I would just like to say that as of now, I am winning in the office. Look out!
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You Love New York?

Please tell me you're joking. VH1's "I Love New York," a spin-off of "Flavor of Love" was the 6th ranked premiere in VH1's history! What is the world coming to!? I watched "Flavor of Love" once, and it just happened to be the episode where "New York" got into a fight w/ another chick and there was punching and spitting and hair-pulling, so I vowed to never watch it again. And I haven't. And then it ended, and the world was a better place. And then "I Love NY" comes along, and the world is effed again.

This video isn't from her show, but it gives you a good idea of what we're dealing w/ here...
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3-Min Blizzard!

WOOOOO! It just snowed like crazy in NYC for a whole 3 minutes! It's the first snow of the season, and at the rate we're going, I'll take what I can get! Keep it comin'!

Fell on My Face

I went skiing over winter break up at Windham. No, there wasn't any real snow, but the man-made stuff rocked! Ok fine, there were rocks in it. Does that count? The skiing was HORRIBLE! Man-made snow is icy and chunky and awful to ski in. I've been skiing for years. I don't the 5-year hiatus during college and the year after. Although I guess I should b/c of course I need something to blame for taking my first digger in about 10 years! That's right, fell flat on my face. I caught an edge. On flat ground. Just cruising along. So embarrassing. And since I hadn't fallen in years, I forgot that there was a trick to getting up (get onto your back and swing your skis around so they're parallel to the ground, and lift yourself up w/ your polls). Yeah, forgot. So I was struggling to get up while 'boyfriend' laughed at me. Which of course pissed me off b/c I was already so embarrassed. So I hit him w/ my pole and went on my merry way.

Ew. Look at all the grass and rocks. It was awful. I feel bad for the east coast mtns this year:(







At 8am. First run of the day. Before I fell...

Piece of Crap Phone

'Boyfriend' gave me his Treo since he got a blackberry through work. I've been waiting for it for a couple months now b/c I love the look of it (and of course it's capabilities and whatnot). He warned me it was going to give me some trouble, but of course I wanted the cool phone, so I said I didn't care. Now it freezes up on my like crazy, and I want to throw it on the ground and jump on it. But I won't. Because I look pretty damn cool w/ it. Oh yeah, that's right, you know you want one.

Speaking of Barf...

I just went out for Indian food for the first time (that I remember) w/ work peeps. I really enjoyed it...up until about 5 mins ago...

Happy New Year!

Ok, so I'm a few days late. I've been busy. You want to know how busy? Here's the convo I had over IM this morning w/ JB:

jb (9:47:46 AM): hi blogging slacker
Kimmyk (9:47:51 AM): haha i know
Kimmyk (9:47:56 AM): i'm so busy i want to barf
jb (9:48:03 AM): there's your entry

...and there's my entry. Thanks JB.

Peace out bitches. When I get a little less busy, I'll be back! Don't miss me too much.

Drinking Smoked Meat

I don't know about you, but the thought of drinking meat makes me naush. That was pretty much the case when Richard and I went to The Modern and asked the bartender which beer he recommends. His recommendation: Schlenkerla Rauchbier, which means "smokebeer," from Germany. It definitely tasted smoked. It definitely tasted nasty. We attempted to wipe our tongues clean w/ our hands, napkins, anything w/in reach and decided it was the nastiest thing we'd ever tasted. It tasted like meat. Not even a specific meat. Just smoked meat. Any meat. Yuck.

So we ordered some Brooklyn Light Ale, straight outta NY, which was more our pint of beer (cup of tea, get it?), but the smoke was still stuck in our mouths and on our tongues and in our noses so even those were ruined.

I do NOT recommend.

I Didn't Steal It!

I took this Thursday off from work (work gave us Friday), so I'm using the days to finish up a few last minute holiday chores (2 more gifts to buy, wrap gifts, pack, load the car, clean the apt., etc.).

But last night it was discovered that my new ski jacket still has the security tag attached to it! This means that if I don't go (on one of my days off!!!) back to the store to get it removed, every ski shop I go into over my ski vacation next week will think I stole it! I don't even know if I have the receipt. What if I get to Princeton Ski Shop, and they think I stole it? Ugh!

They are, btw, is my new fave ski shop ever! Everyone was so nice and helpful, not like most sales people in NYC! They even told us when we bought our ski equipment that everything would be going on sale in a week so to bring the receipt back the following week to get all the sale prices! How amazing is that!? The only thing they didn't do...take the effing tag off my jacket. Hopefully they take it off for me...


One of my days off is ruined all b/c of this little friggin' tag. Maybe I'm just being lazy. Actually, it kinda looks like a pregnancy test, doesn't it? Ha! Not that I would know. That's not a hint. I'm not knocked up. Promise.

Stop!

I met JB out the other night for a long overdue love fest. We started out at Social for a friend's going-away party before heading over to VYNL (no, the bend and snap waiter wasn't there) for some much-needed drinks and convo...

So I got to Social and waited for him on the corner when I heard this obnoxious person honking the hell out of his horn (well obv it was his horn, what else would you honk the hell out of? Don't answer that). Turns out, there was an old man and his wife trying to cross the street when the sign said "don't walk." And b/c the sign said "don't walk," this man decided to hold up his hand to tell the car to STOP! Ummm...this is New York City. Red means stop, green means go and yellow means go like hell. And that's it. Cars are NOT going to wait for pedestrians to cross just b/c their hand is up, buddy. Well, not w/o a fight at least. The battle between vehicle and pedestrian always amuses me though - especially when profanity, the bird and other dirty hand gestures are used.

As soon as JB gets there, I tell him that I have tomorrow's bitchfest subject. So I tell him. And what do you think he says? "Oh, I do that all the time." For some reason, it's ok w/me that he does it b/c he's Beej.

Lesson of the day (except if you're name is JB/Beej/whatever I decide to call him that day), when there is a "don't walk" sign, don't effin' walk! Run!

That Sex Show

Coming back from lunch yesterday w/ 4 of my girlfriends, a guy on the subway told us that he was just visiting NY this week (yeah right buddy, you have the thickest NY accent ever, but whatev) and that we reminded him of the ladies in "that sex show."

Umm...I hope he meant Sex and the City.

Sorry Williams-Sonoma

I decided to stop in a Williams-Sonoma last night to do a bit of holiday shopping. I only have 2 more gifts to buy, and one of them is for one of 'boyfriend's' family members, so it has to be good. We draw names out of a hat (with a $35 max), and I got his aunt. I figured I could get her something nice in Williams-Sonoma for that amount.

Usually I just go in for the free treats, so I stopped in the front of the store for some delicious warm apple cider to enjoy while I shopped. I started shopping, sipping my cider and enjoying the warmth in my belly. Ahh, I love the holidays. Upon finishing my cider and still finding nothing for "aunt," I made my way to the back of the store where they were serving pumpkin spice cake treats. The smell just sucked me in.

I then proceeded to the other side of the store where I found some beautiful bakewear and mixing bowls and other shiz I thought "aunt" would like. Unfortch the bolws I like (kinda like these, only not) were way the hell in storage so I had to wait while they walkie-talkied to the back. As I believe I've mentioned once or 80 times b/f, I have NO PATIENCE. Ten minutes later (it was prob only 5 but felt like 10), I'm still wandering around waiting for bowls. When the stock boy finally appears, he has the wrong. effin'. bowls. in his hands. Lack of patience clicks on "high," and I say, "oh, not a problem, I'll just keep looking around while you go get them," meanwhile I'm planning on sneaking out and leaving the damn bowls behind. So I slowly mosey over the other side of the store, peek up at the sales lady and notice that she's still looking at me. Damn it. Look away you silly sales lady, I'm trying to make a mad dash for the door! As soon as she turns away, I grab some more delicious apple cider and run for it.


I think "aunt" would like these better anyway, so I'll go back this weekend after they've forgotten my evil, sneaking-out-behind-their-backs face.

Boooooo

My little sis and bf were visiting from NH this weekend, and they wanted to see the tree at Rockefeller Center. 'Boyfriend' and I go every year anyway, so we figured who better to see it w/ than people we love and with who we want to share it? So we knew it was going to be crowded when we got there; after all it is the most famous Christmas tree in the world (I made that up, but it probably really is)! But it was so crowded, it took us about 10 minutes to even get to where we had a visual of the tree. Oh wait, that wasn't b/c it was crowded, that was because there was a tour stopped right before the entrance, and the tour guide was telling the group about the history behind it...blah, blah, blah (I'm sure it was interesting, but I was getting a little claustrophobic and needed to move asap). We finally realized that we had been pushing our way into the tour group when we saw the little old lady tour guide holding a gigantic candycane so her group didn't lose her. Hello, you are way too short for people to see you even w/ the huge candycane, so I was surprised she had any of her group left! So now that I've gotten way off the subject, let's get back to us getting into Rockefeller Center and looking at the tree all happy and smiley w/ warm holiday thoughts running through our minds...can't you just feel it? (sigh).

Little sis wants to take a picture of her and her bf w/ the tree in the background, but we were having trouble doing so w/o getting all the people in the background. So they decide to stand up on a bench. No sooner do they stand up there, a cop tells them to get down, and kimmyk decides to yell "boooooo!!!!" at the cop as if I was drunk at a baseball game! (It was only noon for eff's sake, and I hadn't had a drink all day! Not that that has stopped me before, but whatev). I have no clue what I was thinking! This was certainly NOT the holiday spirit I usually exude. As soon as I got the evil eye from the cop, I realized what a dumbass I was being. I got all nervous and thought I was going to get arrested, so I ran around the corner where cop couldn't see me. So now I have to put my big furry hood up so I'm not recognized and peek around the corner going "psssst" to my bf, sis and her bf. Of course they had no idea where I was, so I just kept "pssssting," until bf looked at me like I was from another planet, at which point I started waving frantically for them to come over. I couldn't go back to the scene of the crime!

Turned out the "cop" was just a "rent-a-cop" for the friggin' tree. Oh kim!

I Chipped My Nail

You know I'm having a blog brain block when I'm bitching about chipping my nail polish. But I can't help it. I did my nails last night w/ my new 2nd fave fall/winter color, Wicked by Essie, (first is Sole Mate), and I was soooo good about letting them dry perfectly, only to wake up to a chip (how, I do not know). Normally I can't sit still long enough to let them dry all the way, and I end up ruining at least one nail. And if I don't completely ruin one, I smudge them on something (doing dishes, washing/drying my hands, picking my nose (not really on that last one:)).

My friend Mike once told me I had alien hands, and this pic kinda proves it. Not sure if that's better than "man hands" or not...

Don't even get me started on the hangnail on my first finger.

Gordon Ramsay's NJ Diner @ The London

I was lucky enough to receive an invite from Richard to dinner at Gordon Ramsay (yes, the Hell's Kitchen guy, since that what people seem to know). His new restaurant opened up a few weeks ago in the London Hotel in Midtown. I was super-excited to get the invite and right away had to look at the menu online and find something to wear! Richard told me that the dress code is "smart," meaning no jeans and men must wear jackets. (Of course looking "smart" is now our new fun term. Sometimes it's "wicked smart," since we're both from New England). Anyhoo, we both wore black suits and looked wicked smart for our exclusive, expensivo dinner.

We were escorted into the "formal dining room" at 6:15 sharp (you have to walk past all the "casual dining room" peeps, and they look at you like you're amazing and famous, which we are. Dir). We sat in v. comfy chairs at a huge table with gorgeous place settings. The overall atmosphere was not my cup of tea, but it was amazing in its own way. Richard said it was "v. British." All I knew was that it wasn't what I expected. It took me a while to realize what I thought it reminded me of, and a little while later (after the alcohol makes kimmyk brutally honest), I told Richie I thought it looked like a NJ diner. There were mirrors everywhere and shiny things. All it needed was a few fake flowers in the middle of each table to put me into the Garden State mindset. OK, enough making fun...everything else was amaz!

We were waited on by a Brit who was cute and fun, and we loved her (even if only for her accent and black-rimmed glasses). She made fun of our pronunciation of "turbot," (we were pronouncing it "turbo," which we thought sounded more "smart," or French or something...). Our sommelier was a Mainer, which of course we loved, and he recommended a perfect wine for us (Whitcraft Winery- a 2001 Lagren). The entire staff was so attentive, and there were people for everything you could imagine: a bread boy, a drink chick, water peeps, waiters, servers, sommeliers, you name it! I think my water glass was only empty once, and that's b/c I was feeling a bit tipsy so I chugged it.

I'm not even going to get into the food b/c that's Richard's department, since he's the true "foodie." I will say that I loved everything, but my fave was the "Lobster ravioli, poached in its own bouillon with celery root cream, shellfish vinaigrette and chervil veloute," whatever the hell all that means:)

To hear about the experience (and the food!) in more detail, you can also read: Richard's Review