Did anybody else notice, that my first post this morning is titled, "I FEED Bad?"
LOL! It's supposed to be "feel." I'm going to leave it b/c it makes me giggle.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Got One!
OK, so I totally lied a little while ago b/c I thought of something to bitch about! Yay! The bitch is back in town!
On my run the other morning my sports bra started chafing right in the middle of my chest. No, not my boobs but kind of right between them. So of course I didn't stop running, I just kept on going, so it kept. on. chafing! Ugh! So now I have what looks like a big scrape between my boobs, and of course it's just in time for my vacation where it will be visible when I'm wearing a bathing suit.
You better believe I threw that damn sports bra right in the trash!
On my run the other morning my sports bra started chafing right in the middle of my chest. No, not my boobs but kind of right between them. So of course I didn't stop running, I just kept on going, so it kept. on. chafing! Ugh! So now I have what looks like a big scrape between my boobs, and of course it's just in time for my vacation where it will be visible when I'm wearing a bathing suit.
You better believe I threw that damn sports bra right in the trash!
I Feed Bad!
I'm usually SO bitchy and can find plenty of things to bitch about! This week, however, so many good things are happening that I'm actually being nice, and can't think of a damn thing to bitch about. Quick! Somebody throw something at me, or something!
I am so sorry...I don't know what has come over me. Between my birthday, my friend having her baby and my family trip to Maine that begins this afternoon, I am one happy camper!
Sorry peeps. I am sure when I get back from my vaca next Wednesday, things will start going downhill again. Ha!
Miss me!
I am so sorry...I don't know what has come over me. Between my birthday, my friend having her baby and my family trip to Maine that begins this afternoon, I am one happy camper!
Sorry peeps. I am sure when I get back from my vaca next Wednesday, things will start going downhill again. Ha!
Miss me!
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Ah-hem
And in the Pink Corner...
...weighing in at 6 lbs. 13 oz, born on July 25th at 2:32am it's CHLOE!!! 
Congratulations to my good friend Tricia and her husband Joey!
Congratulations to my good friend Tricia and her husband Joey!
Monday, July 24, 2006
Whole Foods Ass
Why do I even bother to wear white? Ever? I'm not pure, that's for effing sure. That's A. And B., I ALWAYS get shit on me! Even when I take precautionary measures!
Let's take today for example. I like to sit outside when it's nice out and eat my lunch, read and people-watch. I don't bring anything to sit on unless I plan on sitting in the grass, or days like today when I'm wearing white. So I decided to use the Whole Foods plastic bag that my yummy lunch came in to save me and my pants from the dirtiness.
Who can guess what happened? Yes, exactly, the green letters on the bag that said "Whole Foods" rubbed off on my pants. Now there are green specks all over my ass. I didn't think it was that bad until a guy in my office (not sure why he was looking there anyway-pfff) said, "kimmyk, I hate to tell you, but you have green marks on your pants." So I told him the story that I thought I was doing my pants a favor by using the bag, and he said, "wouldn't it be funny if it actually said Whole Foods on your butt?"
Umm, no! Not really.
P.S. Happy 4:20
P.P.S. It's almost my birthday
Let's take today for example. I like to sit outside when it's nice out and eat my lunch, read and people-watch. I don't bring anything to sit on unless I plan on sitting in the grass, or days like today when I'm wearing white. So I decided to use the Whole Foods plastic bag that my yummy lunch came in to save me and my pants from the dirtiness.
Who can guess what happened? Yes, exactly, the green letters on the bag that said "Whole Foods" rubbed off on my pants. Now there are green specks all over my ass. I didn't think it was that bad until a guy in my office (not sure why he was looking there anyway-pfff) said, "kimmyk, I hate to tell you, but you have green marks on your pants." So I told him the story that I thought I was doing my pants a favor by using the bag, and he said, "wouldn't it be funny if it actually said Whole Foods on your butt?"
Umm, no! Not really.
P.S. Happy 4:20
P.P.S. It's almost my birthday
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Birthday List
Honestly, I don't think you deserve to be my friend if you haven't gotten me a birthday present yet. But I guess you have the weekend to go shopping, bitches. Just in case you need some ideas, I have compiled a list for your "Kimmyk's Birthday Shopping Extravaganza:"
1. A Sephora gift certificate so I can get "big girl" make-up (I still use the cheap stuff)
2. A Nano in black (1,000 songs please - don't be cheap)
3. Anything from Urban Outfitters or Anthropologie
4. Hypnosis to get me over my myspace addiction, or some sort of drug (that might be fun)
5. GC to Borders since I'm such a bookworm (be sure to use the link at the bottom of my blog so I get points, please)
6. These shoes so I can put them on when I'm mad at 'boyfriend' (he's little)
7. A pedicure since you all complained about my feet
I also accept cash.
1. A Sephora gift certificate so I can get "big girl" make-up (I still use the cheap stuff)
2. A Nano in black (1,000 songs please - don't be cheap)
3. Anything from Urban Outfitters or Anthropologie
4. Hypnosis to get me over my myspace addiction, or some sort of drug (that might be fun)
5. GC to Borders since I'm such a bookworm (be sure to use the link at the bottom of my blog so I get points, please)
6. These shoes so I can put them on when I'm mad at 'boyfriend' (he's little)
7. A pedicure since you all complained about my feet
I also accept cash.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Illegal Limboing
This morning a cop was putting up police tape to keep cars from driving into a section of the park from 7am-1 pm (they do this every day). Runners/bikers, however, are still allowed to use the Central Park Loop, which is what a poor runner was trying to do. So this one guy in order to not have to stop running, ducked under the police tape and kept on going. The cop immediately started yelling at him: "Hey you! Get the hell over here! Let me see some ID!"
Ummm...yeah. I don't know what kind of gear you run in, but my gear has no place to carry any ID. Apparently, neither does this guy's, so he told the cop he didn't have any. To which the cop responded, no let me rephrase that, to which the cop YELLED EXTREMEMLY LOUDLY, "If you don't have any ID, I'm going to have to take you in! Sit down on that curb (he pointed) until I'm finished here!"
NO, I AM NOT KIDDING! Close your mouth b/c I'm assuming it's hanging open at this point b/c you're so surprised by this cop's reaction. Am I right? Maybe that was just me, but I couldn't believe it. All the other runners just stopped and stared, mouths gaping.
This cop must've been on a power trip or just had a bad morning b/c he was being a raging bitch! I wonder what he ended up charging the runner with? Using an illegal limbo stick?
Ummm...yeah. I don't know what kind of gear you run in, but my gear has no place to carry any ID. Apparently, neither does this guy's, so he told the cop he didn't have any. To which the cop responded, no let me rephrase that, to which the cop YELLED EXTREMEMLY LOUDLY, "If you don't have any ID, I'm going to have to take you in! Sit down on that curb (he pointed) until I'm finished here!"
NO, I AM NOT KIDDING! Close your mouth b/c I'm assuming it's hanging open at this point b/c you're so surprised by this cop's reaction. Am I right? Maybe that was just me, but I couldn't believe it. All the other runners just stopped and stared, mouths gaping.
This cop must've been on a power trip or just had a bad morning b/c he was being a raging bitch! I wonder what he ended up charging the runner with? Using an illegal limbo stick?
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Remember My Keane Bitchfest?
I just got tickets! Woo hoo! That's right Bowery Ballroom - I might love you more than the Hammerstein, but you effed me in the ass last time Keane was here, bitch!
Hammerstein is bigger, less intimate, but that's ok! Richie, 'boyfriend,' The Lady Spence and I are going to rock out on 9/14. It's GA (general admission), so we might even get to do some moshing (joke).
If you want to get in there, go here.
P.S. It's Big Ry's bday that day, but he has agreed to let me get him wasted b/f I leave his bday early. Thanks Big Ry.
Hammerstein is bigger, less intimate, but that's ok! Richie, 'boyfriend,' The Lady Spence and I are going to rock out on 9/14. It's GA (general admission), so we might even get to do some moshing (joke).
If you want to get in there, go here.
P.S. It's Big Ry's bday that day, but he has agreed to let me get him wasted b/f I leave his bday early. Thanks Big Ry.
Monday, July 17, 2006
How Many Degrees?!?!
It's effing hot out, and I'm sweating all over the place. The weather bitches say it's going to be like this all week. They've been wrong before (like every second), but I have a feeling they're right about this one. This means I have to bring a bottle of water and a paper towel everywhere I go for the next few weeks. If you see my hair frizzing out all over the place or sweat dripping down my face OR the back of my knees, I give you permission to put me out of my misery...or at least carry me to a fucking refrigerator. Thanks.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Slugs
So much happens to me on my walk to work!
So walking through Central Park, enjoying the nature, as I do many a mornin', a fucking slug the size of a hotdog falls on my bag. A SLUG! If I had been a few inches more to the left, it would have fallen on my head. The same friggin' homeless guy that "suki, suki, suki'd" me was sitting there, as always, and chuckled. Fucking bitch.
So walking through Central Park, enjoying the nature, as I do many a mornin', a fucking slug the size of a hotdog falls on my bag. A SLUG! If I had been a few inches more to the left, it would have fallen on my head. The same friggin' homeless guy that "suki, suki, suki'd" me was sitting there, as always, and chuckled. Fucking bitch.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Sorry Bitches!
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Heat Rash!
Let me tell you people, there is nothing funny about a heat rash! I seemed to have developed one on my feet. Yes, both feet. It itches like effing crazy, and it's ugly. Little red bumps have taken over my toes, feet and ankles. Son of a bitch! I guess that's what I get for running in this humid, disgusting weather every morning.
I went to the nurse (we are lucky enough to have one in the building), and the poor woman had to get her face so close to my feet, I'm surprised she didn't keel over. I have pretty nice feet, don't get me wrong, but it's damn hot out! They're a little sweaty and therefore, a little smelly.
See those red bumps on and in between my toes? Heat rash.
Yes, I realize that my second to last toes are fat and that I barely have a nail on my pinky toes. I get that from my pops, so don't knock it.
I went to the nurse (we are lucky enough to have one in the building), and the poor woman had to get her face so close to my feet, I'm surprised she didn't keel over. I have pretty nice feet, don't get me wrong, but it's damn hot out! They're a little sweaty and therefore, a little smelly.
See those red bumps on and in between my toes? Heat rash.
Yes, I realize that my second to last toes are fat and that I barely have a nail on my pinky toes. I get that from my pops, so don't knock it.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Too Busy For You
My little sis and I are in the process of planning a surprise 50th bday party for my mom, which is why I haven't blogged yet today. My apologies.
This is so important to us b/c not only is it her 50th (gasp!), but it has already passed, and I didn't go home for it (double gasp!) b/c I am such a bitch, and obviously a bad daughter. Her bday was July 3rd, and I went to the shore over the long weekend instead (as you all read, I'm sure). I think she thought I was going to surprise her and come home, but I didn't and I suck. I sent her a present and a card, of course, but it's not the same. My sister, the good daughter, went home for a couple hours. Bitch. JK:)
In order to redeem ourselves, ok myself we are throwing her a party up in Maine where we vacation every year as a family. We're going to put up pretty twinkle lights and pictures of family and friends everywhere, and blow up balloons and make a big sign for her. We'll cook everything from the apps to the cake, AND we've invited her best friends up to join in the surprise. She has NO IDEA!
No, she doesn't read my blog, so I am not worried about her finding out. She barely knows how to turn on the computer, but she's so damn cute so we love her anyway:)
Happy 50th (belated) to my beautiful Mum.
This is so important to us b/c not only is it her 50th (gasp!), but it has already passed, and I didn't go home for it (double gasp!) b/c I am such a bitch, and obviously a bad daughter. Her bday was July 3rd, and I went to the shore over the long weekend instead (as you all read, I'm sure). I think she thought I was going to surprise her and come home, but I didn't and I suck. I sent her a present and a card, of course, but it's not the same. My sister, the good daughter, went home for a couple hours. Bitch. JK:)
In order to redeem ourselves, ok myself we are throwing her a party up in Maine where we vacation every year as a family. We're going to put up pretty twinkle lights and pictures of family and friends everywhere, and blow up balloons and make a big sign for her. We'll cook everything from the apps to the cake, AND we've invited her best friends up to join in the surprise. She has NO IDEA!
No, she doesn't read my blog, so I am not worried about her finding out. She barely knows how to turn on the computer, but she's so damn cute so we love her anyway:)
Happy 50th (belated) to my beautiful Mum.
Monday, July 10, 2006
DMB Was Bitchin'!
Saw Sheryl Crow and Dave Matthews Band at Fenway Park on Sat. night. Not much to bitch about b/c it was effing AMAZING! Look how close I was (for most of the show)!!! I was a sneaky little bitch and had Renee-Nay bring me up close w/ her ticket. Woo hoo! 
I did get pretty blasted though and accused this poor guy below of cutting me in line to get beer. I felt so bad I ended up taking a picture w/ him as a way to apologize. What? I am such a drunk weirdo. Who says they're sorry by taking a picture w/ someone? He didn't seem to mind. And he's hot. Look at those eyes! I was too drunk to notice at the time. Damnit kimmyk.
Haha! Look at the girl behind us in this next pic! Talk about a BITCH! Although I have to assume we were being awfully drunk and annoying for her to be looking at us like this. Maybe our flash going off for the hundredth time had something to do w/ it. Just a guess. (Look at my manhands again. Ew! Why do I always insist on inviting them!?)
Just thought I'd share more fun pix! Enjoy bitch
es! 
I did get pretty blasted though and accused this poor guy below of cutting me in line to get beer. I felt so bad I ended up taking a picture w/ him as a way to apologize. What? I am such a drunk weirdo. Who says they're sorry by taking a picture w/ someone? He didn't seem to mind. And he's hot. Look at those eyes! I was too drunk to notice at the time. Damnit kimmyk.
Haha! Look at the girl behind us in this next pic! Talk about a BITCH! Although I have to assume we were being awfully drunk and annoying for her to be looking at us like this. Maybe our flash going off for the hundredth time had something to do w/ it. Just a guess. (Look at my manhands again. Ew! Why do I always insist on inviting them!?)
Just thought I'd share more fun pix! Enjoy bitch
es!
Happy Birthday to a Non-Bitch
It's Tricia's bday today! Happy Birthday Tricia!
Look at this gorgeous pic of her at her baby shower. Little Chloe is going to join us on MY BIRTHDAY, JULY 25th. That is not her due date (I think it's July 29th), but I have decided that the 25th is a much better day, and therefore, that's when the bubble is going to burst.
GOOOOO July 25th!
And Happy Birthday Tricia! Mwah!
Look at this gorgeous pic of her at her baby shower. Little Chloe is going to join us on MY BIRTHDAY, JULY 25th. That is not her due date (I think it's July 29th), but I have decided that the 25th is a much better day, and therefore, that's when the bubble is going to burst.
GOOOOO July 25th!
And Happy Birthday Tricia! Mwah!
Blogger.com Bitch
Blogger will not let me upload pictures today, and I want to SHOW you pix of my weekend in Boston (yes, I was there again). I can't just write about it b/c words will just not do it justice.
So be patient you effing bitches.
P.S. This happens a lot. Maybe I should send them a letter.
So be patient you effing bitches.
P.S. This happens a lot. Maybe I should send them a letter.
Friday, July 07, 2006
A Hickey?
When was the last time you saw a hickey? I'm talking in plain site here people, since if you want one where the sun don't shine, that's your own biz. Seriously though, they're so 19-ninety-NEVER!
I saw one today. YES, today. In the OFFICE, no less. I had never seen Mr. Hickey b/f, so not sure who he was or what he was doing here, but it's Friday and was in a suit with a briefcase, so I guess we can assume he was just visiting.
The hickey was not the accessory I would have chosen, but to each his own...
I saw one today. YES, today. In the OFFICE, no less. I had never seen Mr. Hickey b/f, so not sure who he was or what he was doing here, but it's Friday and was in a suit with a briefcase, so I guess we can assume he was just visiting.
The hickey was not the accessory I would have chosen, but to each his own...
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Windblown
On my walk to work today a big gust of wind came and blew my shirt up. Way up. So high up that if my arms had been up in the air, (which luckily they were not-why would they be?), my entire shirt would’ve blown right off of me.
Thank God for sit-ups.
No thanking God for see-through bras.
This was me.
Ok fine. Not at all, but I can dream...
Thank God for sit-ups.
No thanking God for see-through bras.
This was me.
Ok fine. Not at all, but I can dream...
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Drunk Man Hands
I just wanted to show you all a picture of a few friends of mine from home. Here we are on the booze cruise again Friday night. That's Fast Eddie, me (obv), Kelsie and next to her is my good friend man hands. Yep those are mine. 
Stop laughing please.
P.S. I wasn't even drunk yet for this one, but I wanted to see how many posts I could write today w/ "drunk" in the title. Three is pretty effin' good!
Stop laughing please.
P.S. I wasn't even drunk yet for this one, but I wanted to see how many posts I could write today w/ "drunk" in the title. Three is pretty effin' good!
Drunk Kissing
I went to Boston to see Renee for her bday this past Friday. She invited all of her friends on a fun Ryan Montbleau booze cruise all around the harbor and it was wicked awesome. I got drunk and decided to give Nay Nay a big birthday kiss.
Why is it when I'm drunk, even a little peckeroo on the cheek looks like I'm trying to make out. So silly.
And my arm looks fat.
Why is it when I'm drunk, even a little peckeroo on the cheek looks like I'm trying to make out. So silly.
And my arm looks fat.
Drunk Boardwalk Bikers
So while at the shore this past weekend, 'boyfriend' and I decided to bike. Like everywhere. To breakfast, to the beach, to lunch, to get ice coffee...miles and miles of biking were enjoyed. Only problem was, we weren't supposed to bike past dusk (B&B rules for their bikes).
Being the rebels that we are, we decided to sneak the bikes out after dusk on our last night there and ride to dinner (a 10 minute bike ride) where we were meeting up w/ 6 of our friends to eat dinner and get hamma'd! Driving a car is not an option on 4th of July weekend b/c cops are out everywhere (not that I would EVER drive drunk b/c that is wrong), besides, waiting for a taxi at The Parker House is like waiting for Tom Cruise to come out of the closet. Not. gonna. happen.
So after dinner as our friends headed off to the loooong taxi line of drunkards, we hopped on our bikes (much to the jealousy of everyone around us) and started trekking back. 'Boyfriend is thinking it would be a funny story to tell for years to come if we got pulled over for drunk-biking. I fully agree, but I'm also thinking I just don't want to crash and hurt myself b/c I already got a bloody knee just trying to wheel the bike out of the garage while sober. Forget about the fact that now I've had 3 Michelob Ultras, 4 Captain and cokes and 2 Coronas (what a lightweight).
So we decide to illegally bike the boardwalk since it's already in a straight line just for us, no cars to avoid and no cops! Or so we thought...
We were almost to our turnoff when we get yelled at by a cop on the beach riding a 4-wheeler! 'Boyfriend' is drunk-biking way ahead of me, and to make matter worse, he's on the phone (hasn't he ever heard of hands-free? How dangerous!), so he hears none of the yelling! The cop is yelling at me to stop, I am yelling at 'boyfriend' to stop. What a mess! I finally catch up to him after a bench almost takes me out (that damn bench jumped out of nowhere I swear), and we get off the boardwalk and are back on the road. Obviously the cop didn't even care that we were drunk-biking. 'Boyfriend' was v. disappointed we didn't at the very least get a written warning.
Needless to say, we made it back safely, the blood on my knee had dried by then, and we were able to sneak the bikes back w/o getting caught. All in all, a fun drunk-biking night.
Being the rebels that we are, we decided to sneak the bikes out after dusk on our last night there and ride to dinner (a 10 minute bike ride) where we were meeting up w/ 6 of our friends to eat dinner and get hamma'd! Driving a car is not an option on 4th of July weekend b/c cops are out everywhere (not that I would EVER drive drunk b/c that is wrong), besides, waiting for a taxi at The Parker House is like waiting for Tom Cruise to come out of the closet. Not. gonna. happen.
So after dinner as our friends headed off to the loooong taxi line of drunkards, we hopped on our bikes (much to the jealousy of everyone around us) and started trekking back. 'Boyfriend is thinking it would be a funny story to tell for years to come if we got pulled over for drunk-biking. I fully agree, but I'm also thinking I just don't want to crash and hurt myself b/c I already got a bloody knee just trying to wheel the bike out of the garage while sober. Forget about the fact that now I've had 3 Michelob Ultras, 4 Captain and cokes and 2 Coronas (what a lightweight).
So we decide to illegally bike the boardwalk since it's already in a straight line just for us, no cars to avoid and no cops! Or so we thought...
We were almost to our turnoff when we get yelled at by a cop on the beach riding a 4-wheeler! 'Boyfriend' is drunk-biking way ahead of me, and to make matter worse, he's on the phone (hasn't he ever heard of hands-free? How dangerous!), so he hears none of the yelling! The cop is yelling at me to stop, I am yelling at 'boyfriend' to stop. What a mess! I finally catch up to him after a bench almost takes me out (that damn bench jumped out of nowhere I swear), and we get off the boardwalk and are back on the road. Obviously the cop didn't even care that we were drunk-biking. 'Boyfriend' was v. disappointed we didn't at the very least get a written warning.
Needless to say, we made it back safely, the blood on my knee had dried by then, and we were able to sneak the bikes back w/o getting caught. All in all, a fun drunk-biking night.
Twin Bitches
'Boyfriend' and I spent 4th of July weekend down in Dirty Jerz at the shore. Actually Spring Lake is far from dirty, but I like the way "Dirty Jerz" sounds, and the turnpike does have a certain rotten egg kind of odor to it. Anyhoo, we stayed at an adorable little B&B only a block from the beach. It was absolutely perfect! Well, it would have been if most of the other people staying there weren't horren!
There was this one middle-aged couple who were there celebrating their 1-year anniversary. He couldn't stop smoking, and she couldn't stop nagging him about it.
This other bitch kept trying to place specific food orders to the sweet little lady bringing us our breakfast, which doesn't sound like much, except it's a bed and breakfast! They cook a meal, and you eat it. If you don't like it, go to a restaurant! This isn't the Four Seasons bitch!
The worst of the bunch were these twin girls who had the deepest, scratchiest voices ever and kept ending up everywhere we went! We saw them out at dinner our first night there, and we were making fun of them b/c they were flirting w/ the [obviously married] maitre d'. They even asked him if they could keep his pen b/c they liked the way it wrote. What?!? Turns out they were staying at the same place we were. Ugh! It was torturous. They couldn't stop yapping about boys and being dirty about it! They would talk loudly so that everyone couldn't help but overhear. This one guy at another table said he needed [golf] balls, and one of them goes, "you don't have any balls?!" Good one. How old are you, 8?
Shoot. Me. Please.
There was this one middle-aged couple who were there celebrating their 1-year anniversary. He couldn't stop smoking, and she couldn't stop nagging him about it.
This other bitch kept trying to place specific food orders to the sweet little lady bringing us our breakfast, which doesn't sound like much, except it's a bed and breakfast! They cook a meal, and you eat it. If you don't like it, go to a restaurant! This isn't the Four Seasons bitch!
The worst of the bunch were these twin girls who had the deepest, scratchiest voices ever and kept ending up everywhere we went! We saw them out at dinner our first night there, and we were making fun of them b/c they were flirting w/ the [obviously married] maitre d'. They even asked him if they could keep his pen b/c they liked the way it wrote. What?!? Turns out they were staying at the same place we were. Ugh! It was torturous. They couldn't stop yapping about boys and being dirty about it! They would talk loudly so that everyone couldn't help but overhear. This one guy at another table said he needed [golf] balls, and one of them goes, "you don't have any balls?!" Good one. How old are you, 8?
Shoot. Me. Please.
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