A Whole Lotta Gay Goin' On

More goss I heard last night when I went out w/ Beej, Stiz and Jules. All news to me! Feel free to tell me if I'm way behind the times, people.

Both Kimora Lee & Russell Simmons are gay! What? Don't they have a child together (not that that matters, I guess)? Supposedly Kimora likes her women butch, which is a pity b/c I was about to go off on the fact that she and Tyra are BFF, and I do not recall Tyra talkin' about any man-luvin' lately...or EVER! They are both kinda dragqueenish. Hmmm...

I know that rumours about Matthew McNaughty being gay have been flying around for ages (Beej), but I heard that too. PLEASE tell me he is NOT gay. I mean if he is, every woman on the face of the earth just lost a little piece of their heart, not to mention a few fantasies. Mmmmm.

Moving right along...Penelope Cruz is too! Listen, I don't care either way if she is or isn't, but I found that one shocking! For the record, I don't usually go that way, but I doubt I'd kick her out if she came a knockin'. (Did I say that out loud)!?!?

OK, time to be all Trent-like and put my conspiracy theory together. It does all makes sense that McNaughty and Cruz bat for the other team. She did date Tom Cruise, and he is DEFINITELY gay! So there was the first cover-up, and look where he ended up (w/ "Kate," the crazies and a fake baby)! And she ended up dating Matthew. Cover-up #2? For both of them? Oh my goodness, this is all coming together so nicely. Hmm...

Where does all this shiz come from, and why do I always fall for it?!?! Except the Tom Cruise thing b/c that's just obvious people.

This is so how rumours start! Bitches like me;)



No way right!?!?

J. Lo's Booty is Fake?!?!

Uh oh! Guess what I heard from [I Will Not Reveal My Source! So Don't Ask...]!?!?

J. Lo has butt implants! Ahhhh! Yup! You heard me right! Supposedly a masseuse discovered them when she felt something hard while massaging her bum. She asked J. Lo if she had something in there b/c if she did, she should really tell the masseuse so she doesn't rupture anything. If they rupture you can die! Duh J. Lo!

Supposedly J. Lo just giggled. Of course she giggled! She's laughing at us World! B/c we all believe she's got the biggest, bootylicious-est booty of them all!* I am kind of a J. Lo fan, but what a bitch thinking she can fool us for so long. I'm onto you woman!

Please people, the woman has been losing weight for years everywhere except her butt. I knew I smelled trouble with that one.

I'm not sure I can really take credit for revealing the truth first though. Back in January 2002, a guy in Geneva reported that there is an alien implant in J.Lo's butt. Oh well - Can't win 'em all. hehe

*Actually, I hate her butt. I think it's too damn big, but my opinion doesn't matter here! It's still fake!!!

Stop Looking at Me, Mouse!

Ew! A friggin' mouse ran out in front of me when I was running today! When it saw me coming it kind of stopped and couldn't decide which way to go. He definitely looked at me. Stop looking at me, mouse!

The worst part is, I screamed and had to do a little fancy dancin' footwork so as not to step on it! People definitely saw me and heard me. They must've thought I was crazy!

Little bitch.

O.O.C.

We had our summer work picnic last week, and the pix are in! The after party pix are my fave b/c it makes kimmyk look a bit O.O.C. (out.of.control. for you slow folks).

Just to set the record straight, I wasn't really all that O.O.C., but the after party pix seem to be telling a different story!

Here’s kimmyk being cute and funny:




















Here’s kimmyk trying to do “sexy” face. Notice how it never seems to come out all that sexy. Hmpf...we’ll have to work on that.
At least I’m w/ cute boys (Big RyRy and Dan), so that was fun:
















This one is my fave. At first glance it just looks like some cute co-workers (Liz looks adorable of course, and I dont' know her friend) having fun, but if you look closely...
















AHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA...there’s kimmyk in the background! I laugh every time I see it! AHAHHAHAHAHHHA! Don’t you HATE when people do that?!?! How rude! I am such a bitch!

Why Wouldn't You Keep It!?!?

I don't think I know any guy that wouldn't LOVE to have 2! So what's this guy thinking?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060819/od_nm/india_operation_dc

LOL!

Meatpack This!

I have been reminded of why I do not go hang out in the Meatpacking District on weekend nights anymore. Richard and I were on a Friday night wine bar jaunt in the W. Village when he remembered a little wine bar in the MPD that he thought we'd enjoy. Don't get me wrong, the MPD is amazing during the day! But once we entered it Friday night, the lines to get into the bars were not only loooooooooooong, but they were filled, as usual mind you, with so many jeans-and-black-topped-clad chickies I couldn't tell any of them apart ! It was v. The Island! Scary!
















We walked into the wine bar (I can't even remember the name b/c we sat down for literally 3 seconds), sat down, heard the music, looked at the frat boys singing, and then stood up and left. I think Richard said it best, "This is soooo Vegas! Kimmy, we cant drink wine to the Ramones! I was hysterical! When Richie is right, he's right.

So we ended up at Art Bar, which I highly recommend, but only the the back.

I "Prey" They Get More Beer!

Went to Prey last night w/ Richie for happy 2 hours. I'd been there once b/f on a Saturday night and the place was so fun (once we got through the loooooooooooong line). Oh wait, I think we might've greased the bouncers (suckas). That is beside the point.

Richie and I went there last night b/c it was near Porky's (that's another story all together) and b/c they had amaz drink specials! ($3 Corona's $5 Margarita's $2 Domestic Pints). Can't go wrong w/ that! So he ordered a 5 dolla Margarita and I ordered a Coors Lite draft. Yum.

10 minutes pass (the bartender thought it was social hour)...

Turns out not yum. The Margarita was horrif! Although the look on Richie's face when he realized how horrif it was was priceless (he drank it anyway, of course). AND "I'm sorry, but we're out of Coors Lite draft, but I can give you a bottle." Fine, bring me a bottle.

4 minutes later...

"I'm sorry, we're also out of Coors Lite bottles." Umm...ok, do you have Corona Lite? "Yes! And I'll even give it to you for the $2!" We're talking miracle-caliber here people.

My Corona Lite comes in under 2 minutes. Amaz! Oh wait, there's a friggin' hair on my lime!!! At this point, I don't even care. You'll prob think I'm disgusting, but I picked that damn hair off the lime and shoved it in. Yum!

JK...I DON'T Give Up...

Looks like NME's report this morning about Keane cancelling the US shows in September was a little premature. CNN is reporting that the shows are just postponed and will be rescheduled in the next couple days. Wish me luck! :)

I'm sorry I doubted you Keane! But if you let me down again, it's over.

O.V.E.R. bitch!

I Give Up!

As you all know I finally got tix to Keane. Well guess what? The lead singer, "Tom Chaplin is being treated for drink and drug problems." Therefore, the US tour is cancelled!!!

What the hell does a girl have to do to see one of her fave bands play!? If I wanted to deal w/ this shit, I would have become a Baby Shambles fan.

So long Keane. I'll miss you.

Damn Dread Flops

As a New Englander, I was born a Red Sox fan. I think I popped out w/ a big B on my forehead. I know this b/c my mom and dad went to a game at Fenway in 1978 when she was pregnant w/ me, and when Bernie Carbo was up my dad told my mom that if he hits a home run I would be named after him (Bernie or Bernadette). My mom agreed thinking, yeah right. Not gonna happen.

Well, Bernie did hit a home run! My Mom took one look at my dad, mouth gaping and said, "over my dead body." Thank you Mom for not naming me Bernadette. Anywho, that is neither here nor there.

My Sox just lost 4 straight to the Yanks, and my dad is back to calling them "The Damn Dread Flops," which he hasn't done in a couple years. They play again tonight at Fenway and those bitches better not get swept.

Here he is! The player I was almost named after!

Squirrel Lovers

I'm sure if you've walked through any park in NY you've seen it: those people from a land far, far away who do not realize that squirrels are in fact RODENTS! They make the "come here puppy/kitty" kissy noises and hold out their hands w/ food in them trying to make them come closer. I'm sure they have rabies or some other nasty-ass disease, and people want to touch them and pet them and massaaaage them. They are not your naughty pet! They're naughty!*

I grew up shooing these little bitches away from our birdfeeders and making hissing sounds at them when they came up on our deck!

Look at them! They are not cute!

























I would love to run up to someone who's enjoying the squirrels and start screaming at them to "Run! They bite!" or something equally bitchy so they scream and run away.

*Tommy Boy reference for those of you who did not catch it;)

Fight the Fat

Speaking of yummy food, I love Jamie Oliver. His show on the Food Network, The Naked Chef is my fave cooking show (yes boys, I even like him better than Giada De Laurentiis even though she's a hottie).

But did everyone see him dress up in a fat suit "to highlight the dangers of junk food, as part of his TV campaign to improve the diet of British children. ?"



























Awww, poor thing broke the Vespa! These damn kids better listen up to Mr. Oliver - we can't have them breaking Vespa's all over the place. Good thing he airs in the US, as our kiddies over here need some help too.

Let's bond together people, and fight the fat!

No air date has been set yet for "Jamie's Return to School Dinners," but Channel 4 said it was likely to be towards the end of September. Can't wait!

P-U!

I love asparagus, but I hate the way my pee smells the next morning.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Too Hung Over to Blog

So instead, enjoy a quick laugh...

Bringing Sexy Back

I heard on the radio this morning that Diddy is a bit upset with Justin Timberlake for claiming to bring "Sexy Back," b/c Diddy claims that he is "the king of sexy" and already brought sexy back. Oh Diddy. You are one hot piece of ace, but have you seen JT lately?!? And really people, did sexy really ever go anywhere? With all the hotties in this world, I don't think only one person can be the king of sexy and certainly not only one person can bring it back - from wherever the hell it went.

Here are just a few sexy peeps who, I have no doubt, will keep sexy from going anywhere for a v. long time!

Colin (smoking is so gross but so sexy, especially on someone who knows how to do it right):

























Becks (sexy, athletic, and his pants are unbuttoned):


























Orlando (I don't know why exactly; he looks like a bad boy but he's not. Plus that skin and hair, and accent and the rings... (sigh):


























Matthew (there were so many sexy pix to choose from for the sexiest man on earth, I almost didn't know which one to show. Then I found one w/ his legs open. Amen.

Pot in the Park

Oh my goodness. I'm seeing so many funny things in the park lately! This lady whipped a joint out of her backpack, lit it up in plain sight, and started smokin' it right in the park. I'm pretty sure she was homeless, and therefore maybe she considered the park her home and this piece of grass was her couch, and all the people walking by were kind of like her TV. What made me think this? Well, right after she took her first few hits, she rolled over onto her stomach and began to people watch and then proceeded to laugh hysterically at something. I have no idea what. Of course I looked up from my book and tried to find what was so funny, but there was nothing. Must've been one happy doobie.


























P.S. I had to hide my camera phone behind my purse in order to take this picture b/c she kept looking at me! Scary!

Tighty-Whities, No Thanks!

Yesterday I was in the park eating my lunch, reading and watching this cute guy stretching before his run. I was thoroughly enjoying myself until he bent over and revealed that he was wearing tighty-whities. Ew. Must we?

So do you all wear them when you work out, or was this just a tighty-whitie-luvin' kinda guy?

I wish you could see the lines better, but I'm sure you get the gist;)

Mr. Wright. Mr. David Wright.

I can't help it. I love him. I've been to my fair share of Mets games this season, and whenever I'm there I find myself transfixed on Mr. Wright at least a few times during the game. Then when I leave I fantasize about meeting him for drinks later and congratulating him on his win and excellent play. Then we end up "dating," and we fall in love and get married and have beautiful little Wrights. What's wrong w/ that? It could happen.

I can't believe how great we look together?!?! We're so happy! Awww!




















You have a better fantasy guy? Don't even say Brad Pitt like everyone and their mother. I'll let you say Nick Lachey though b/c sometimes I marry him and have little Lachey's too. I'm such a slut.

P.S. Thank you Big Ry for putting this picture together and making me believe that my dreams of becoming Mrs. Wright can come true! (sigh)

Low Maintenance Bites Me in the Ass

I am a pretty low-maintenance chick for the most part. I barely put on make-up on the weekends, nor do I do my hair. It usually just gets pulled back into a tight up-do, and I put sunglasses on. (Unless I go out at night, in which case I obviously get decked out).

Anyhoo, some people think I look v. pretty when I'm at my low-maintenance best (thank you v. much), however, I don't want to look like this when I run into an old college crush. Ugh! Don't get me wrong, I am MUCH prettier than I was in college (I was a bit chunky and didn't care about fashion - weird right?), so I'm sure he thought I looked good. But when you see someone you swooned over for about 6 months, you want to blow them away w/ your newfound beauty. Don't you think?

I have friends who always dress up when they go out, even if it's to get the paper off their front stoop! Their argument is, you never know who you're going to run into, so dress to impress! Looks like they were right. This time!

Although knowing me (which I do know myself pretty well), I'll stick to being a low-maintenance chick, and Mr. Right (hopefully this Mr. Wright) will love me for it! Yay me!

It's an iPod Miracle!

After months of sadness and despair over my iPod biting the dust I ventured into the Apple Store SoHo for a little iPod TLC thinking that they'd tell me the awful truth that iPod was indeed dead OR charge me an arm and a leg for a repair. Turns out Apple Guru, Andrew, was standing there just waiting for me to come ask him a question. I'm telling you, the place was packed! I was lucky he was free! He took my girl over to a gorgeous new i-something or other computer and plugged her in, hit some buttons, and there you have it! Easy as pie, and iPod was up and running! Andrew, who I didn't think was all that cute when I first walked over, suddenly after fixing iPod, was looking damn good. Is that weird?

Anyhoo, yay! She's back! Isn't she pretty!?!

I Hope I'm Not Around in 26 Years...

Oh my goodness, you have to see this! Maybe you already have, and I hadn't yet b/c I've been on vaca. Whatever, if you haven't, check it out!

Celebrity Kids Morph

Some of them look ok, but others, ew! Poor kids!

They Call it the "Randy Candy"

I assume when you were little you all heard that the green M&Ms are an aphrodisiac. Am I right? Although I didn't use the word "aphrodisiac" when I was 8, so instead we used "makes you horny." In case no one believes me, go here . Well since I thought this was The. Coolest. Thing. Ever. at the time, I started saving all the green ones for last. How it would make me cooler (and hornier) by eating them last, I do not know, but TO THIS DAY, I still do it! I probably only have M&Ms about once every couple of months, but when I do, the green ones are put aside and eaten last (peanut or plain).

Well, today I just got some fro' yo' from the caf since it's a freaking 95 degrees (feels like 103) out! And I put some M&Ms on there. Mmmmmm. As usual, I tried to eat the green ones last, but this one little stinker got on my spoon, and I didn't see it until it was too late. I ate one of the green M&Ms NOT LAST. My OCD is obviously acting up today.

What a little bitch you are!

Isle Of Springs, Maine 2006

Just thought I'd share a few pix from my trip!!!

We threw my mom a surprise 50th birthday party:

















She was so surprised and happy that she cried (as usual):















We ate (and obviously drank - you can tell by my eyes:)):















We saw beautiful sunsets!















We went boating:















The boys had lobster fights:
















Awww!




















I was only a bitch once the whole long weekend, and it was for no reason other than the fact that some Captain and Coke accidentally found it's way into my mouth!!! Who's proud?

Spiders and Greenheads and Mosquitos, Oh My!

I just got back from the great state of Maine last night! I was up there w/ the fam for a few days of relaxing, lobsta, clams, drinking, boating, and oh yeah, let's not forget getting eaten alive by bugs! We spotted a few spiders in the house, an occasionaly greenhead at the beach, and damn did those mosquitos come out at night!

Living in the city, we get to avoid this particular problem for the most part. Don't get me wrong, we have plenty of rats and roaches, but my legs look like they did when a was a wee kiddie growing up in NH. They're all scratched up from walking and playing in the woods and I have bugbites everywhere! Damn you nature! Or maybe not...

I was talking to my mom's friend saying something about how with all this nature there are so many bugs and there are barely any in the city (obv), and how lucky we are to not have to deal with the bites! To which she corrected me by saying, it's not so much the nature kimmy, it's the pollution that kills them off! Oh. Fine.

So in addition to rats, la cucarachas, and heat exhaustion, I now have to worry about getting killed off by pollution. I knew there was some, but enough to kill off all these bugs?!!?

I'm going back to New England. Peace out.